Bending Like A Willow Tree
by Cleome45
Summary: Post-”Dark Victory.” B5's exit fr. others' POV. 1-Cham, 2-Vi, 3-Star Boy, 4-Dream Girl, 5-Bouncing Boy, 6- Triplicate Girl, 7-Timber Wolf, 8-Phantom Girl, 9-Cosmic Boy, 10-Lightning Lad, 11-Saturn Girl. Was a 1-shot, then grew. 'T' for language. Complete.
1. Bending Like A Willow Tree

_(Post-"Dark Victory." Brainiac 5 is leaving, but first he has a talk with Chameleon Boy. NOT slash. Angst in spades, some ten-dollar words and a few bad jokes, but rated T for language and underage drinking. :p This could work as a stand-alone, but I may add to it later. Comments welcome, though I am very, very rusty on the fanfic thing. I really wanted to sketch in something about Cham. Just because. This depiction owes something to the earlier versions, especially Levitz' version from the mid 1980s. I don't own any DC characters and situations and blah blah blah.)  
_

**  
Bending Like A Willow Tree**

On your last day with the team, we didn't spend any time together.

By some kind of mutual, unspoken consent, we avoided one another. I scraped together some small reserve of patience and resisted the urge to snap, "Oh, get a room," when I saw you deep in conversation with Superman-- the original one, right before he left. He had stayed for Kell's swearing-in, but then one after the other, they'd both said their goodbyes. Kell was where he belonged, and so was Clark.

Where did you think that you belonged ?

This was the last time that I would ever see you, wasn't it ? So I bit my tongue. I looked away whenever you looked towards me. Brainy, I swear to you that it seemed like a good idea at the time.

A little later, everyone was standing around in the Legion's courtyard, talking and laughing. It was just like the aftermath of my swearing-in or any other. I could almost forget that barely two days ago, we'd all been obliterated, then resurrected. Because of you.

It was late afternoon, midsummer. The day was sunny and warm. Phantom Girl disappeared inside and came back ten minutes later with a pitcher of Bgtzl wine punch and a stack of paper cups. Cosmic Boy started to object, but Bouncing Boy gave him a look and for once, Cos subsided. The cups went around. I'd gotten bored with chitchat. I was sitting alone on a bench near the pathway, arms folded, thinking absently of a million boarding school parties and various other things that I didn't remember fondly. Because I had no reason to.

I would miss you a thousand times before the leaves could even start to change. Why was it impossible for me to get up, walk over to you and just say so ?

Phantom Girl strode over with that determined look of hers. She thrust a cup towards my hand, the little nul-grav tray she had in tow humming along behind her. Over it, I saw you a few meters away. You had a cup that you weren't drinking from in one hand. With the other, you were holding Shrinking Violet's hand and saying what I assumed was one more goodbye. You glanced in my direction for a moment, with an expression I couldn't read, before turning back to her.

"Drink up, Cham."

I shook my head. "Thanks, but you know better than that. Durlans and alcohol don't mix well."

"Duh. I mixed yours specially with, like, 80 percent water. So relax. We _won't_ be re-enacting that movie night from last winter." She smirked and sat down.

"Thanks." I accepted the cup and we clinked them together, or whatever sound colliding painted paper cylinders make. "Tell me, do you ever plan to let me forget about what happened last winter ?"

"I might, but there's _some_ people who never will." She jerked a thumb over at Timber Wolf and the newly-reunited Triplicate Girl.

I snickered, despite my overall bad mood. The drink was dark red, ice cold and only a little sweet, with a rough texture underneath that appealed to me. My taste sensors are more numerous and enhanced than Tinya's. Maybe more so than those of anyone present that day, with the exception of Timber Wolf. I probably got the full impact even through all that water.

"So what are we drinking to ?"

"Trip's recovery, and Brainy's journey." Her eyes narrowed. "Well, a few people sounded more like they're drinking to Brainy never coming back, but screw _them_."

My sadness was going to eat me alive if I wasn't careful. Unless my anger got there first. Maybe Tinya had the right idea. I smiled at her.

"Oh, Phantom. That's _so_ beautiful." I knocked my cup against hers again, then raised it toward the group. "Screw _them_." I drained the rest of my drink in a couple of swallows and set the cup down.

"**_I_** have the soul of a poet," she said, grinning and tossing her hair.

"On layaway. How many payments left to go, Tinya ?"

She hit my shoulder, but not hard. "Oh, shut _up_, Reep."

We sat for a few minutes in friendly silence, until Ultra Boy and some others called her away. Something about card games in the HQ lounge. Jo gave me a welcoming look, but I just shrugged a "No Thanks."

The crowd began to thin out with the approach of twilight, until I was the only person left outside. Almost.

You materialized from nowhere. Or maybe you'd been artfully camouflaged against a tasteful dark pink and green shrub, somewhere. I jumped about three meters, rattling the ice left in my cup and nearly dropping it.

"Don't **_do_** that," I snapped, which wasn't exactly a big hug and kiss goodbye, but-- Hell, Brainy ! Just who was supposed to **_be_** the shape shifter around here, anyway ?

"Sorry. I have a shuttle to catch, but it doesn't depart for another hour. I needed to speak with you alone, Reep. This seemed like the right time and place." You put down your bags and sat down next to me, pointing across the street to a small willow sapling in its protective bell. As you motioned, the timer in the dome switched on its light, followed in sequence by the other street lights and those in the courtyard..

"Nice trick, Brainy. Did that come with the new outfit ?"

"I'm afraid not." You actually rolled your eyes. Not something you could have done a few days ago.

We killed an afternoon the day we met talking about etymology. You said that my name was archaic Durlan for an arch in a medium sized, graceful tree that doesn't grow anywhere else. Later I mentioned this on a visit to my Dad and he showed me a picture, one of the few he had from his own childhood home. It did vaguely resemble a willow tree in the same way that I vaguely resembled Lightning Lad. The trunk was a sort of mottled brown-gray;The flowers grew only from the bends and arches. Your hands danced over the keys almost too quickly for my eyes to follow. You looked puzzled when I mentioned that other kids used to laugh at my name and tease me about it.

"I don't quite comprehend your former schoolmates' sense of humor, Chameleon Boy. Experts speculate that at one time rapid and extreme climate changes on Durla demanded this type of structure. Such flora could alter and contort to a remarkable degree at these junctures, as necessary." You peered up at me from your chair, considering. "If my sources are accurate, the blooms appear on a quintennial basis, and are identical in hue to Durlan skin in its earliest known humanoid form. Opinions vary as to the evolutionary importance of these factors, however. Contemporary Durlan science is sadly deficient in quantity."

I liked you from that first day, before I liked anyone else. I trusted you in everything. No matter what you had done on that terrible day of your transformation, I hadn't changed my mind. I've gone back from time to time and weighed the possible reasons for this: Your kindness. Our closeness in standard age. Some mysterious connection we had, borne from the histories of our respective closed worlds. Or maybe I'm just unnaturally stubborn, even for a Durlan.

Even now, I'm not sure of the correct answer.

"Did you stick around so we could discuss etymology some more ?" I wanted to build further on this theme, culminating with a tirade in which I'd call you every rotten name available in my native tongue for running out on the Legion like this. Or else I'd get on my knees and beg you not to go. I hadn't actually made up my mind. Phantom Girl's party drink had left me sort of light in the head.

I never got the chance to decide, because you took my hand. Your long, dark fingers weren't graceful now, crossing awkwardly over my smaller, brighter fingers. In fact, your hand shook a little and you'd bitten or torn a couple of your nails nearly down to the quick.

"Cham, be serious. I... I feel like you're the only one I can trust."

Just a few standard days ago, you had knit that hand back together. You had recreated yourself from the wreckage of a despised and unwanted past. You and both Supermen had saved us all. It occurred to me suddenly that you were brave and grown up, that you were going on ahead, somehow. But I was still a kid being left behind, and I was jealous. Maybe that was why I'd been avoiding you.

"Trust ? What are you talking about ?"

"I--"

"Querl, have you at least told _somebody_ where you're going ? What if--"

"Shhhh..." A whisper in my ear, "Reep, _please_ listen to me. Don't be angry. Just _listen_."

"What ?"

"Promise me that you'll take care of Shrinking Violet."

I looked into your brand new humanoid eyes, shining below the trio of scars. A vestige of the monster you had shaken off and destroyed.

I answered before I had time to think.

"I promise, Brainy."

A nod, a whispered "Thank You," a hurried embrace, and then you were gone.

I sat for a long time with a warming paper cup in my chilled hands and looked at the darkening sky over New Metropolis.

(_"Bending Like A Willow Tree" is a wonderful Blues tune by Lowell Fulson-- covered by many, many artists. Lyrics available on line, and also posted to my LJ. Thanks for reading.)  
_


	2. Lost In The Sky

_(Post-"Dark Victory." Brainiac 5 is gone, and Shrinking Violet can't get back to sleep. I've had a couple of people ask me about the plot to this series of stories, and I have to admit there really isn't going to be one. It's essentially multiple snapshots of the same event from different perspectives, for whatever that's worth. I don't own any DC characters and situations and blah blah blah.)_

**Lost In The Sky**

On that last day, I wanted to kiss you. That's the main thing I remember, along with my continuing sense of disbelief that the previous few days had even happened.

I don't remember if my own destruction --becoming "nothing but 1s & 0s"-- as your ancestor put it, was painful. Or if the re-creation was. Both happened too fast. But I saw pain whenever I looked at you, in the aftermath.

I didn't want to be childish. Maybe a person who'd left the ruins of his old life suspended in cold space forever had other things on his mind than a stupid crush. _Mom didn't raise a weakling_, I told myself. So I didn't try to kiss you. For our final goodbye, I was the one who turned and walked away first. I even walked a fairly straight line, considering the strength of the punch that Phantom Girl had brought.

But that night was different. In my dream I walked over to you in front of everyone, unfortified by alcohol. I told you that you couldn't leave us, because we loved you. I loved you.

I was about to say something else, but I couldn't because you wrapped your arms around me and kissed me. I pressed against you as tightly as I could. You were bone, muscle, smooth skin, soft hair, a beating heart-- hard and soft gears intermeshed. You tasted like the punch, and like salt. Like tears, but the joyful kind.

Then we flew together to my home planet. You held my hand. I took you to the lake house in the Ciresstadt Hills, where I'd spent so many summers as a kid. I showed you canopies of leaves that rustled in the breeze and wild birds flying over the water-- giving out their mournful-sounding cries. I showed you a velvet dark sky peppered with stars, the rainbow-streaked shells of water snails, and the climbing vines with their curled thorns and their curious white flowers-- the ones with a scent I've never found comparable to any Terran plant.

That house had burnt in a fire the year before I was sworn in. Its presence should have tipped me off to the fact that I was only dreaming. I bolted awake at about 0100 and tried desperately, futilely, to go back to sleep. I wanted you back. _It wasn't fair._

It was strange that I hadn't been able to cry before. Even the night your ancestor took you over, injured me and nearly killed Superman. When everything seemed about to end forever. But I cried that morning, until my throat was raw and my eyes stung.

Further sleep was impossible. I washed, dressed, and went downstairs. My stomach was growling, so I went to the kitchen for an energy square and a cold cup of juice. I ignored soft voices coming from the lounge and the light on in the library. I didn't want company. Forget the lab. I wasn't ready to be there without you, even if I was your de facto successor.

My restlessness brought me up to the roof. I paced the rooftop in a circle, disturbing the pigeons that were roosting there. Finally I leaned my elbows on the guardrail and just waited, not knowing what for. The air was warm, the moon was waning, the pigeons cooed and--

_Tchirr chirr at chirr._

Startled, I looked over at a solar torchlight on the rail's corner. I heard the "Tchirr chirr at chirr" again, like fragments of bright stone being skimmed across hard ground.

There was a tall water bird there. A "Blue Rose," so-called on Imsk for the ridiculous crest it sports. A crest which looks like an ineptly folded paper flower. The rest of the bird is steel gray with either pink spots (male) or white spots (female). It has blue feet to match the crest. I couldn't make out much color on this one, and it seemed on the small side. Then again, it had been so long since I'd seen one.

_Tchirr chirr at chirr._

What in blazes was a bird from the Northern lakes of Imsk doing on our rooftop ? I edged closer to it, looking for a leg band. It had to have been a zoo animal or a wealthy expatriate's pet. The bird cocked its head at me, "tchirred" again, and then flew out into the night.

"Wait !" I clambered over the guardrail and flew after it.

"Come back !"

I still don't know what possessed me to do this.

"Please come back ! Are you lost ?"

A smart Legionnaire would have simply made a mental note to check the the morning newsfeeds. A smarter Legionnaire would have suspected a trap and signaled to see if anyone was out patrolling and felt like joining her. The smartest Legionnaire would have done both those things, but not before shrinking to make herself less visible in the sky.

But I had left my smarts at home on the nightstand.

I followed the bird for a long time. New Metropolis gave way to suburbs. Central Province gave way to the Lesser Atlantic Province. I descended enough to see patches of rocks and surf below me. The air grew cooler, damper and there in the thick clouds, I lost sight of the Blue Rose. I searched above and below the cover, but I couldn't find it again.

Had I just imagined it ? Was I still asleep ? Maybe everything was a dream and you weren't really gone. Maybe I would wake up and find you back in the lab like before, with everything like it used to be.

Now I knew for sure that a break was in order. _The pieces of that puzzle are missing for good, Honey_, I heard Mom's voice in my head. _We all lose things_. _It's as finished now as it ever will be. Put it away._

I turned slightly inland and saw an old battlefield. No matter how overgrown, no matter what the planet, they are instantly recognizable from the air-- at least to me. When I was ten, it seemed like all we did during the school year was trek from one of those damn things to the other-- commemorating one of our many wars with Braal. It drove me crazy.

My mother was a cadet at my age, and later a soldier until she got tired of traveling. Anajt Digby was always a little mystified at my love for science, but when I told her that I wanted to join the Legion, she was so proud. Except of my costume, which made her shake her head slightly. About six months after I passed auditions and was sworn in, my new costume-- the green one, showed up in the mail. She had made part of it from her old cadet dress-jacket. I tried it on, like a good daughter/soldier, and later I even decided that Mom had the right idea.

I descended and touched down in the center of the field.

There were overgrown ruins and a couple of moss-grown masses: a launcher and spent artillery shells. Plaques mounted on stones, and a listing metal sign that had the old Earth radiation symbol divided in half-- to show the area had been decontaminated, long ago. Nearby, some wandering amateur historian had added a homemade flag with Terra's 21st century peace symbol.

My bird wasn't there, though I saw signs of others. In a rusted sentry tower, I could see the shadows of crows or ravens roosting in its decayed upper reaches. Owls were calling from a blunt gray row of warehouses on my horizon as they hunted. Everything else was still, except for the fog.

I breathed in the cool damp air and sat down on a boulder next to a plaque stone. The sky here was clouded and watery gray. The moon was just a little smudge of pale yellow beneath the gray. It was a far cry from the lost house we'd visited in my dream. A far cry from New Metropolis but beautiful in its own way, I thought.

Did the founders let you take a flight ring with you, Brainy ? I hope so. It was your creation, after all. I'd mostly taken mine for granted. I'd taken easily to flying my first week, and not considered it much after that. But now I looked at that gleaming piece of metal on my hand, Querl. I held it out against the shifting sky like it was another, brighter moon, and my thoughts flew someplace different.

I reflected on my flight to this place. On the treasures of my old world and of this one, too. Treasures that didn't just need protection. They also deserved appreciation.

They deserved love. However much I could spare. You hadn't spared yourself. I know because I was there, remember ? I tried to tell you before you left that you were forgiven, that nobody believed you'd meant to hurt them. Strictly speaking, perhaps a few did, but I didn't care. I still don't.

I imagined braiding two kinds of love together like two strands of thread, of rolling them up and carrying them in my ring. I imagined you awake somewhere, thinking the same thoughts. Neither of us would ever have to be pacing alone in a circle. We would walk straight lines to real destinations instead.

Probably I should have had something more substantial for "dinner" than juice and an over-sweetened square of vitamin-soy. The punch hadn't helped me either. I grinned to myself that at least if I was having a breakdown in the middle of nowhere, the locals didn't gossip. The team would never know.

Now a great horned owl was hopping back and forth in the grass a few meters away. Looking for prey. Small snakes, maybe ? His wings beat and the long damp grasses rustled. He didn't seem to be having any luck.

"Hey, you know those warehouses over there would probably give you a little more action. Mice. Rats. That kind of thing."

He blinked at me once upon a descent before returning to his task.

"Have you seen this friend of mine-- wears a blue rose on his head ? We're both visiting and got separated."

Flap. Hop. Search. Repeat.

"Do you have nice sunrises here ? I've always wanted to see the sun rise over a 25th Century Terran battlefield."

Flap. Hop. Search. Repeat.

"Well, okay. I have a busy schedule today anyway. Nice talking to you."

Once I had dusted the moss off the back of my skirt, I returned to the air. Strangely, I had a sense of being followed all the way home, and yet I felt no apprehension, no fear. It was the opposite, in fact.

When I changed and got back into bed, my sleep was peaceful. I told myself just before drifting off that there would be enough time later to mourn your absence. There would be time for the next wave of thieves, conquerors, Sun Eaters, whatever. But for these few hours I was free.

I was watched over. I was loved. I was entirely worthy of what you had entrusted to me. Even if I was also a lovesick jackass whose blood sugar needed recalibrating.

Later that morning came the first staff meeting post-Brainy. Not eventful. I drank my sourfruit tea, rubbed my red-rimmed eyes and concentrated on the minutes. That was that. Except...

Except that Chameleon Boy showed up fifteen minutes late, and he couldn't stop yawning through the remainder of the meeting. Once he almost dozed off. Timber Wolf prodded him in the ribs, but not before at least half the room noticed.

As soon as we were adjourned, Cosmic Boy stalked over to him and chewed him out in front of everyone. Okay, that wasn't eventful, as such. But I walked by the library a little later and Cham was sitting in there with his head bowed. My first thought was _damn you_, _Cos_, but upon closer inspection, I saw he wasn't crying.

He had slid the rectangular glass from the old solar 'fiche readers out and was cleaning the segments. The readers Invisible Kid had insisted on because so much important material was never reproduced for the newer coms, and wasn't ever likely to be. The old 'fiche hung in their sleeves in the temp-controled case I'd helped you build. The labels meticulously coded by you and Lyle: Historical Psych, Pre-Collapse Agriculture, Off-system Ornithology...

Ornithology.

I loudly cleared my throat. "Cham ?"

He sat up. "Oh hey, Violet. How's it going ?"

"Um, all right, I guess."

He put another completed segment down and rubbed his brow.

"Tired," I asked.

"Yeah, I had a lot to get done last night." He turned to look at me.

"Cos was sure in top form this morning, huh ?"

"Cos is a pain in the ass. Water is wet. _We interrupt this news feed for a special bulletin_."

"Did _he_ tell you to clean this thing up ?"

"Are you kidding ?" Cham snorted. "He never comes in here. This is like my personal vacation spot for that reason. Sometimes the 'fiche get residue on the glass, that's all."

"Uh-huh. By the way, nice job with the owl. Very convincing."

His face flushed. "Oh, uh... thanks." I crossed my arms and waited. He sighed. "I was worried about you, Violet. I should've minded my own business, but that look on your face... I was scared you'd--"

His gaze met mine once, then dropped. "I'm an idiot. Would it help if I said that I'm sorry, and that I really miss him, too ?"

"Cham, it's okay." I patted his shoulder. "I'm not mad. But speaking strictly as a friend--the Blue Rose needs a little more work." Suddenly I couldn't suppress a little smile.

"Sorry." His expression lightened and he began to deftly slide the pieces of glass back into their proper places. "It was a rush job. Also, I've never been to Imsk. All I had to go on was pictures and text." The last piece went back where it belonged. He slipped the cleaning materials back into a drawer and stood up to close the rolling top over the readers.

"Well, practice makes perfect." My forehead bumped the back of his head as I put my arms around him, just briefly. In a quieter voice I added, "Thank You, Cham."

_  
(Thanks to everyone who made me feel welcome when I put up Pt. 1. I know this is cheese but I had a blast writing it. Comments welcome, but please don't hurt me. "Lost in the Sky" is an amazing song from Peter Case's Beeline __CD __. Now you know.)_


	3. Drown Them Out

_(Post-"Dark Victory." Star Boy goes for a swim with Brainiac 5, kind of. NOT slash. The profanity's a bit ramped-up in this one, so rated 'T' again. Pardon my sewer mouth. Comments always welcome. I've had a couple of people ask me about the plot to this series of stories, and I have to admit there really isn't going to be one. It's essentially multiple snapshots of the same event from different perspectives, for whatever that's worth. I don't own any DC characters and situations and blah blah blah.)_

**  
Drown Them Out**

On the day you left, it occurred to me how little time I'd been taking to catalog the unexpected. I hadn't done so in a long time. Maybe not since the day I'd acquired my own powers. I suppose that's why I've started writing this to you. To take stock, to tie some important things together.

I never expected you to be possessed by your evil ancestor, to attack us and nearly destroy everything. I never expected that you'd find the strength to reverse that possession and repudiate your legacy in the most direct way imaginable-- to literally expel the machinery from your physical self, leaving behind only flesh and blood.

Above all, I never expected the day _after_ our-- well no point in dancing around it-- our resurrection to turn out the way it did.

I lost one of my best friends that day. My judgment of his character turned out to be somewhat faulty.

I'd woken from a sound sleep to one thought. _My teammate brought me back._

The events of our return from space to HQ are still a blank to me. I've never recalled them in even minor detail. I can't be the only one for whom that's true. We'd had one intense volley of shocks, after all. Your transformation to human was the last thing I remembered until the alarm clock went off in daylight.

I did the usual: Wash, uniform, and all. I checked my room com, which of course had nobody's updated reports on the night before. What would we all have written, anyway ? Some things are harder to put into words than others.

I was hungry. Returning from death will do that to most people. But I paused to do something that I hadn't done in a long time. I cued up my photo album and found Jessan's picture. I called her family on Xanthu to say hello. I left messages, wishing them well. Then I sat for a minute, looking at her. Long dark braids coiled around her head, gray eyes, a beaming smile and her shooting trophy from the end of middle school-- proudly held in her dark hands. I remembered one of my buddies grumbling right before she walked away with it for the fourth time in a row. _The school might as well stop holding these damn tournaments and just hand it over to DeCourbet every year_.

Sorry for wandering.

I went downstairs for breakfast. I would have happily eaten Garth's metal arm if somebody had handed it to me on a plate. Thankfully that wasn't necessary. There were already a few people in remote corners of the dining room, talking in low voices to one other. I wondered how much _they_ remembered.

You were sitting by yourself.

"Brainy ?" You blinked a couple of times before answering.

"Hello, Star Boy." You were staring at a piece of toast held between a thumb and two fingers. I wondered if you were all right.

"Mind if I sit here ?"

Your gaze swept over me in something like mild surprise.

"If you'd rather be alone, I--"

"No, please. Sit down." Your gaze then returned to the toast. I spent several minutes eating before I looked up to notice that you still hadn't moved.

"Brainy ?"

"Yes ?"

"That's not how it works. You can't digest food through your skin."

"Yes, that's true. But..." you rubbed your cheek. "It... scratches. It scratches the inside of my mouth." You considered me as I chewed. "How do you become accustomed to this ? I am finding it... somewhat disconcerting."

I shouldn't have smiled. To you this was a serious issue but to me it was the first amusement I'd had in several grim, terrifying days. "Brainy... You're basically like a few hours old at the moment. As a human. Correct ?"

"I suppose that might be accurate. Nine or ten hours, perhaps."

"They start babies on soft foods and liquids, usually. Go get yourself some hot cereal or juice or something."

You considered this for a minute before carefully placing the toast back on the tray.

"Yes. Thank You. I'll return in a moment."

While you were away, a few more people drifted in. I had already requested the day off. I felt a serious need to spend some time alone with my thoughts, but maybe everyone else had gotten the same idea first. Shrinking Violet was over by the coffee urn, saying something to you as you got a cup of juice. I heard "...and don't tip your head back and pour it in like last night. SIP. Put your lip on the EDGE of the cup and don't inhale before you swallow, Brainy."

I wanted to laugh, which was totally unfair to you, I admit. It's just that Violet's tone made me think of my mom whenever my dad got the Segnala flu. She came over and I half-expected her to burst out "Why are you men always such damn stupid babies when you get sick ?" But all she said was, "Is there room for one more ?"

"Please." I motioned her to another chair. She got busy with some kind of egg roll-up things and some potatoes. I didn't want to interrupt her if she was even half as hungry as I'd been upon awakening. I slid my now-decimated tray onto the empty table next to me and concentrated on a book I'd brought downstairs with me. It was Zinn, a very old vintage. It probably would have bored you. My own interest in science is limited to what I need for my work with the Legion. If it hadn't been for a certain comet's tail, I'd probably be eying a Masters in History by now. Someday I'll get back to it.

You returned with your food and tamed it, sort of. Violet kept taking food off her own tray and putting in on yours, muttering that you couldn't possibly get through the day on what you'd already had. Yes, it was just like home. I made a mental note to call my parents later.

More people came down to breakfast, including some who sat down at our table. I was halfway through my second cup of coffee and well into the bomb over Hiroshima when current events also began to take on a distinctly unpleasant shape.

"What the hell are _you_ doing here ?"

Sun Boy was there, staring at you like you had the late stage 14-day-plague. His lip was drawn up in unbridled disgust, and his fist was clenched and glowing. I stood up at the same time as Timber Wolf and we each put one hand on Dirk's shoulders. Both of us could see that his trajectory was not going to be good for you. Especially given that you didn't have weaponry attached to your arms anymore.

The rest of the room fell silent and looked at us.

Your brow furrowed and you put down the glass you were holding. Your hand jerked and the water spilled over the side. You looked up at him slowly. Violet stood up.

"What the _hell_ is your problem, Dirk ?! Can't you save your little head trips until everyone's gotten through their damn breakfast, at least ?"

Obviously they'd had words yesterday on the journey home. But of course I didn't remember that.

"Head trips ? Cute, Violet." He wrenched his right arm free of my grasp and jabbed three fingers into your forehead, where the scars were.

Your face flushed a darker green, but you still didn't speak.

"He's still in there, isn't he ?" Dirk's voice sounded unfamiliar to me. I'd never heard him like this. "Asleep maybe, but in there."

"I-- I don't believe so. Dirk, I'm sorry I hurt you. I really am sorry."

Bouncy walked in. Somebody must have paged him.

"Sun Boy, I want to see you outside. Right now."

"Bouncy, I--"

_"NOW !"_

They went out. I was sitting close enough to you to see the little lines impressed inside the circles. Dirk had jabbed you hard enough to leave nail marks. After a moment or two, you rubbed your forehead with the back of your hand.

"Brainy, are you all right," it was Timber Wolf.

You picked up a spoon and looked at it.

"I think so. Thank You." You stood up. "I think that I should take this with me and finish it in my room." Your hands shook and the tray rattled. After a few seconds you sighed, shook your head and walked off without it.

The rest of the room tried going back to whatever it had been doing.

"I wonder how long _this_ is going to go on," Timber Wolf muttered, staring into his tea mug.

"Look," I said. "I'll talk to Dirk. We're friends, and everybody's still kind of reeling right now. But it'll be okay. I'll talk to him."

Wolf looked skeptical. Violet just looked angry.

"Star Boy, just tell him to grow the fuck up or I'm going to rip out his damn hair while he's sleeping and make chem-spill pads for the lab." She stood up, flinging back her chair with a clatter.

"And **then** I'll rip out the hair on his head _and use that, too_ !" The whole room watched her as she stormed out. She almost collided with Chameleon Boy as he came in from the opposite direction, but it didn't slow her down at all.

"Hey, Guys." We all gave our greetings, as he looked over his shoulder in the direction that Violet had gone. "Um, did I miss something important ?"

Phantom Girl rolled her eyes at him.

"Don't think so much, Cham," said Timber Wolf. "Eat."

Cham shrugged and walked over to the food line. He picked up a tray and started tossing one or two of everything on it. Then he started whistling, which was weird, because I couldn't see his lips move. From where I was sitting, I should have been able to.

A snicker came from Phantom Girl, who was sitting next to Wolf. I picked up my coffee again and drank it, even though it was getting cold. "You'd better be ready with your powers, Thom, because he may not be able to lift that on his own by the time he's done."

"Uh-huh." I picked Zinn up again and turned a page absently. "Mind if I ask you guys something," I said.

"Like what," said Tinya, dividing a muffin and offering half of it to Wolf.

"Are those two, Vi and Brainy I mean, do they uh..."

"...Like each other," said Tinya as she reached for the butter.

"Sure do," said Brin, as he reached for the jam.

"Dark-eye-to-Spark-eye Capital-L Like," said Tinya. "It's kind of sweet, really."

"You need to come in from the cold more often, Thom," said Brin. There's only about fifty people in all of New Metropolis who haven't noticed yet-- and you were the last person in the Legion who didn't know. So far as I can tell."

"Oh, well I just--" I stood up. "Damn it, Cham ! How are you doing that without moving your lips ?!"

"It's all in the antennae," he called over his shoulder. "Oh, and the ridges between my shoulder blades." The pile of food on his tray was starting to look like something that you'd need a ski lift to take maximum advantage of.

"Right." I sat down and reconsidered my book pad. I mumbled, "That really doesn't make any sense, but..."

"Durlans have a lot of totally amazing characteristics," said Tinya. In a lower voice, "One time last winter, a bunch of us were hanging out in the lounge on movie night with this 12-pack of sourfruit gin fizz and--

"**SHUT UP, TINYA**," boomed a voice from the general vicinity of the dessert cooler.

"They have exceptional hearing, too," said Wolf. He tapped his own ear. "I don't say that lightly."

I decided to get a refill and then go read in my room.

As it turned out, I didn't get the day off, but a small amount of pleading with Bouncy did get me out of patrol that night. I was out of uniform and on my way to get supper somewhere when... something made me stop outside your door. I buzzed your com, but there was no answer.

"Computo, where is Brainiac 5 ?"

"In sims."

I started to turn toward the elevators and almost ran right into Sun Boy. There was a very uncomfortable silence for several seconds while we both stared at our feet. He looked up first.

"I didn't know you were looking to keep a pet, Thom. Maybe you should start with something simpler first, like a poisonous snake."

I shook my head. I just couldn't believe that this was somebody I knew and liked.

"Dirk, what exactly is your problem with Brainy ?" He rolled his eyes.

"Gee, I don't know, Thom. Maybe it's the fact that he's got a thousand-year-old psycho killer living in his head."

"Dirk, that's not true. Not anymore. _We all saw it._ He drove his ancestor out. Saturn Girl ran a scan on him and didn't find anything wrong. Duo Damsel ran a diagnostic in the med bay and found a-- a kid of fourteen or fifteen standard with green skin and a 12th-level mind. That's all.

"I looked at the reports. Did you ? He apologized, Dirk-- to you, me and everyone. Why are you still so angry at him ?"

Dirk scowled. "You really think that's it ? Knock down the monster, make an apology and it all just goes away forever ?" He shook his head. "Evil doesn't die, Thom. It just sleeps. Or evolves."

"Right," I rolled my eyes. "I'm sorry I wasted my breath. Look, you can hold a grudge for the rest of your life if you want to, but that's not my style. You're on your own with this one, Dirk."

"It's not just me, you know. There are other people here who feel the same way."

"Terrific. You can all go play with your torches and ropes together. Have a nice time. Can you excuse me, please ? I have some things I have to do." I pushed past him and started walking away.

He followed me. "Wait. So just like that, we're not friends anymore ?

"We'll be friends again when you _learn some fucking sense_, Dirk." I turned in time to see his mouth drop half-open. I pulled the book pad from my carryall, the one with Zinn loaded on it, and tossed it into his hands. "You're looking in the wrong place for evil, Sun Boy. Learn some damn history."

I left him standing there, went down to sims and hit the buzzer.

"Brainiac 5 ?"

No answer.

"Brainy ?" I waited a minute, considering. Then I said, "Computo, override locks !"

I walked in and was immediately hip-deep in cold water. I felt round rocks under my shoes and a heavy rain falling. The current flowed southeast, and a sandy bank was at least twenty meters away. You were maybe 12 meters in front of me, standing in profile while you looked at something in the distance, or at nothing. The river was nearly to your shoulders and still rising, but you weren't making any effort to move.

"Brainy !" You turned your head to look at me. "What the hell ?! Why are you just standing there !? Move !"

"I-- cannot." You closed your eyes.

"Why not ?" I already knew the answer, somehow, and I shivered from more than the illusion of being outdoors in cold water. _Jessan..._

"There are stones in my pockets. Because I don't want to change my mind. I am trying to determine if drowning is painful or not."

I did something that I normally try not to do to my friends outside of combat practice. I held out my hand and changed your mass-- I raised you up a meter or so, bringing us both to the same level of submergence. I paddled over to you and shook my head.

"Brainy..." You just looked at me, and the misery on your face was so familiar to me that words drifted out of my reach at the very moment when I needed them the most. _Jessan..._

I finally managed to say in a shaky voice, "Computo, change sim. TK1-PX."

The water shimmered and receded. Now the two of us were on a grassy bank in Old Tejhai. The river was separated from us by its ten meter-wide bank and an ornate safety rail. There were the spiral-shaped evergreens and the squat round information center with its brightly-tiled roof. Several stone benches ran next to the cobblestone pathway, each at a 45 degree angle to the bank itself. You were now in mid-air, about two meters above the grass, because I hadn't let you go yet.

"Star Boy ?"

I held out my hands.

"Give me the rocks first." I expected an argument, but after a minute you sighed and handed them over. There were three in each of your jacket pockets and they were quite heavy. They were each at least the size of my fist. I threw them on the ground and held out one hand, increasing your mass until the flats of your boots touched ground again.

I folded my arms and waited.

"I should go now," you said.

"No, you should stay here," I replied, "and we should talk. Otherwise I'll just increase your mass again until you can't move, and I'll leave you here and go get Saturn and Duo. Take your pick."

You shrugged and walked over toward one of the benches. We sat.

"Care to explain what that was all about ?"

"I... don't know. Since this morning, I... there's something heavy, something pulling me down." You bit absently at a fingernail. "Thom, I think... this was a mistake. That I should not have returned. I'm glad... that I could help Superman, help all of you... but the rest..."

I had a brief fantasy of finding Dirk and kicking him down three flights of stairs. I pushed it aside.

"I don't know what it is. It's... in my blood or... somewhere. It's telling me that I should... undo this." You looked at the hand with the bitten nail. "That it was the wrong idea. That I'm... not supposed to be here."

I really hate it when my hunches are right. I felt like crying. "Computo, add Variance 1 to sim."

Two figures flickered to life on the grass. Jessan and her sister, Lynnar. They were both nine years standard, dressed alike in baggy shorts and t-shirts. They had a toy magno-ball set. The ball sailed back and forth as they both shrieked and laughed. I waved, even though I knew they couldn't see me. You studied me curiously, then looked back at the figures.

"Who are these girls ?"

"The one with the short hair is Lynnar. She's my age now. Studies engineering. The other one was her sister, Jessan. Jessan... thought _she_ should... undo herself. It happened a couple of years before I joined the Legion."

You were silent, considering.

"Jessan loved sports. She had a couple of dogs that went everywhere with her. She won tournaments and she did well in school. Her family loved her and so did her friends, including me. We were close, you might say-- Jessan and me."

"Then what... what did she do ?"

"She got sick. What did you say-- 'something pulled her down.' She was depressed. She stopped caring about everything and everyone she used to love. They tried everything to help her-- all kinds of treatments, but nothing worked for very long. It happens that way sometimes. The mind turns on itself, and the person can't live anymore."

"How did she... undo ?"

"She used a gun. She came down to this river, the Tejhai River Park in my hometown on Xanthu, to do it." I sighed. "Computo, remove Variance 1 from sim."

The girls vanished in two flutters of light.

"I'm sorry, Star Boy." You looked down at the ground. "My intent was not to upset you."

"You understand this isn't just about me, don't you ? The fact that you're even considering this in the 'what-if' sense would upset a hell of a lot of people if they knew."

"Yes, but--" you rubbed your temples with both hands. "What if Sun Boy is correct ?"

"They didn't find any leftover ancestor in your head after the change, Brainy. None. Are you sensing any now ?"

You shook your head slowly.

"Then maybe you should just accept the fact that Sun Boy is an idiot and get on with living."

"Sun Boy-- Dirk Morgana is at least a 10th level --possibly higher-- mind. I have spoken to him on scientific matters before. I've read his papers."

"Brainy, trust me on this: People can be extremely smart in certain areas and extremely stupid in others. Don't tell me you haven't noticed this living among humans for this long."

A shrug. "I suppose. But it's not just Sun Boy, is it ? The way some of them look at me now-- It's hard to accept."

"Maybe so, but you could at least try and come up with a less extreme response to this than ending your life-- after you fought so hard to transform it in the first place."

"Your friend, the lost one--"

"She couldn't fight anymore, Brainy. Jessan... she ran out of will. When it happened I-- I was so angry with her. I thought that somehow she'd done it just to punish us, her friends and family. I felt like she'd been playing some kind of sick game with us, but that was unfair of me. I know better now. The sickness she had took away her will. It wasn't her fault."

You looked at me. "Will. Is that what this is all about ?"

"You tell me. Y'know, I've read every Legionnaire's file there is, all the way through. It's the historian in me that--"

"I believe that I was there in the library the time that Lightning Lad accused you of joining up just so you could 'nose around in everyone's sock drawers,' as he put it." A hint of a smirk crossed your face.

I laughed. I think that was the first time that Lightning Lad ever spoke more than two words to me outside of work. I'm just not in from the field often enough. "Well, I definitely remember your file. The audition transcript where the founders asked you why you called yourself Brainiac 5 and you said it was, 'As much an act of rebellion and defiance as anything else.' "

Your face darkened. "I'm finding it... difficult to believe today that I was ever-- blunt enough to put that in a file that absolutely anyone on the team could read. I should have it erased."

"Why ?"

"It's-- too personal, Thom. It makes me feel... exposed."

"Welcome to the club. Look, the point is: Have you changed your mind about that ? Do you still see the value of rebellion-- of defiance ?" I put a hand on your shoulder and was pleasantly surprised that you didn't shrug it off. You placed your own hand over mine and tears began to fall from your eyes.

Exposed was right. I remembered seeing your old life crack apart in the middle of space. Your replacement outer self hadn't arrived yet. I imagined that it wouldn't much resemble the old one, in any sense.

"Thom, please help me. T-tell me what to do. I-- I'm scared."

"Of what ?"

"Him." You were wiping your eyes. "What if... somehow, he... still lives in here ?" You tapped your forehead.

"Querl, just stop and think for a minute. Do you think that you're the only human on this planet or any other who has an awful ancestor's DNA ? Believe me, it's not as unusual as you think. Some families spend eons, millions of credits, trying to have that kind of history expunged. As if that could change who they are now and who they'll be tomorrow."

You knitted your brows and considered this.

"It's not a living entity. _You're_ the one in charge. Don't roll over every time somebody who just doesn't get it wants to make your life miserable. Because I've got news for you: Some of them are never going to get it no matter what you do. To let them drag you under like this-- it's crazy."

"Perhaps. I will consider this further."

I sighed. "Computo, end sim." The room returned to its normal state. "Let's go, Querl."

"Where are we going ?"

"Imra's office. I've officially exhausted my store of pep talks. And you shouldn't be alone right now." I called her on the com.

I was on patrol most of the next day, but I made it back just in time for Kell's swearing-in, and for Duo to become Trip again. Just in time for Superman and his "brother" to say their final goodbyes. Just in time for you to do the same. It was a meteor shower of the unexpected.

"You doing any better today," I asked you as we both stood there, being handed drinks off Tinya's nul-grav tray.

"I-- I think so. If I'm away from here, maybe I'll have an easier time finding out what I need to know." You tapped your drink against mine. "Thom, I... appreciate the-- swimming lesson... yesterday." I was surprised at how your speech patterns and gestures were already changing. How fast the new shell was already coming along. I took this as a good sign.

You would be missed more than you knew. You still are. I know this for sure.

"You're welcome. What are we drinking to," I asked.

Just then, Sun Boy walked up to me, accompanied by Nemesis Kid and Element Lad. He looked at us, then tossed the book pad at me without saying a word. They walked away, only Jan bothering to wave a silent greeting/farewell.

The corner of your mouth quirked upwards.

"To rebellion. To defiance." The cups knocked together. I sipped the punch. Not bad, though I was never much of a wine drinker.

"To drowning the bastards out," I added.

That one earned me a genuine --and unexpected-- smile.

_  
(Yikes. How did this one get so damn long ? "Drown Them Out" is an airy little beauty of a tune from Viva Voce's CD Get Yr Blood Sucked Out. BTW, I could have sworn that somewhere in this site's bylaws is something that said using song lyrics in stories is a big no-no. So I got around that issue by posting the song lyrics to my livejournal page if anyone's interested. Just go ahead and google my moniker + "lj." No additional costs, no obligation to buy, etc. _

_I am at least 75 percent sure that there really was a very early Legion comic where Brainy told somebody that his code name was intended to be perceived as an act of defiance and rebellion. Not that I could turn it up online. Sigh. __But I did try. Cheers.)_


	4. Running Around

_(Post-"Dark Victory." Dream Girl doesn't just see Brainiac 5's future. She hears it. Rated 'T' again for language & drinking. Comments always welcome. I don't own any DC characters and situations and blah blah blah.)_

**  
Running Around**

On your last day, I kissed you goodbye. I couldn't help it. You looked so damn... solemn. Like you were marching off to death instead of into a new life.

Besides, I was grateful to you, and not just for bringing us all back from oblivion. You had gone out of your way to make me welcome in the Legion when there were others who didn't trust me. I was just trying to say thank you.

Phantom Girl gave me her best you-know-better-than-that look as she bent down to pick up the cup you dropped when I pecked you on the cheek.

Timber Wolf tried to hide a grin as he helped her mop up the wine.

"What, no tongues ?" I turned, expecting to see Chameleon Boy, but it was Lightning Lad. Cham was sitting on the other side of the courtyard alone, looking like he, too, was in full-blown funeral mode. The youth were letting me down. The Legion was being overrun by a sad-hearted rainbow of what a culture historian I once dated would have called "Emo boys."

Garth bent down to look at you, snapping his fingers. "Brainy, you can come out now. We'll make sure she doesn't do it again." But he was smiling.

"It's okay, Brainy," said Triplicate Girl. "A little soap and water on that cheekbone'll work wonders."

"She's right," added Bouncing Boy. "Soap and water. I tried it once. Works great."

"Uh, right," was all you said, rubbing the cheekbone in question. You bent to study your boots, which now had wine punch all over them. You stood up straight again and turned your back to me, stamping your feet to shake the dark red off them. I was being dismissed, it seemed.

"Y'know, a handshake might have gone over a little better," Star Boy was looking at me as I walked away. I turned toward the shops and the plaza across the street.

_Well, Thank You, Captain Second-Guess._ I almost said it. Thom is incredibly good-looking, but I swear he's also the biggest Boy Scout in the Legion other than Cosmic Boy. Granted, he doesn't wear dignity like a straitjacket the way Cos does. I couldn't really read his expression. Unlike a lot of people there, Thom looked neither overly depressed nor insultingly pleased about your departure.

_Thom, let's go dancing._

No. I'd get into trouble being so frivolous on such a solemn occasion. That was the general path the day was taking.

I opted for a shrug instead as I sipped my punch, welcoming its cold. I was wearing my red-and-white workout clothes over my usual costume, and they were a little stifling for such balmy summer weather. The jacket could have come off, I guess, but then I probably would have draped it over a planter and forgotten it. I had been having quite a few absent-minded moments like that since you'd rescued us from Brainiac 1's... confinement.

"Dream Girl, are you all right," Thom was looking at me with concern.

"Sure, Star Boy. Why wouldn't I be ?"

"You've got that look you get when you're about to, ummm..."

"Prophesize ? Relax, Mother Hen. I just had something in my eye."

"Oh. Sorry."

_Nura, you dolt. Say something. Anything. You came back from the dead just a freaking couple of days ago. Everything after that should be easy. Why can't you at least hint to the handsome man in the elegant costume that maybe you'd like to hang out with him somewhere, sometime. Someplace not connected with giant creepy emerald eyes, hideous axe-wielding psychopaths, or robotic death ships shaped like tentacled skulls ?_

By the time I looked around again, he had wandered off to talk to somebody else.

Solemnity is too contagious. Sometimes I really regret ever setting foot off Naltor. I find even the non-precogs of whom I'm fond to be absurdly somber almost all the time. As a group, you need to cultivate a little more fatalism about the future. Maybe then you'd be able to get a little more fun out of the present.

I looked back toward the bench where Cham was sitting. At least Phantom Girl was getting him to accept a drink. That was progress of a sort.

I shrugged again at nobody in particular and decided to go work out in the gym until it was time for my evening patrol. If my partner didn't like the smell of sweat, too bad.

Later, as we were flying over the waterfront district together, Lightning Lad didn't seem to notice the sweat, but he did notice something else.

"Dreamy, you're off again."

"I am ?"

"You're seeing something, aren't you ?"

"Yeah, I'm seeing a future where you ditch that ridiculous chin-brush, and get a decent haircut." I made a face at him.

He looked amused, rather than offended. Garth and I get along better than we once did, which again is probably thanks to you. Of course, his future grooming regimen wasn't what I was really seeing that night, but...

A week after you left, the buzzing began.

I would enter my usual dream-state, monitored by Shrinking Violet or whomever was on duty in your absence. I would look for future attacks, the return of old foes or somebody recognizably a new foe. Regardless of what I saw and heard, in the background was the very audible sound of bees.

"Did you hear that," I asked Shrinking Violet the first time it happened. She was helping me get disconnected from the monitor.

"Yeah, I'm on it. Starfinger will break out again in three days and head for that abandoned mine near... uh, Eris, right ? He's searching for some mineral salts that are useful in explosives. No sweat. I'll get everything typed up and run it by Bouncy."

"That's not what I--" but she was already striding back to the main console to begin her report.

Two weeks after you left, I began to dream of you, Brainy. Only on my own time. Not on Legion time. It happened at least once a week. You were walking through a barren field full of smoke. You waved it away and coughed. Your walk became a trot and then a desperate run. At first I wasn't sure, but eventually I determined that you were running towards something, not away. There were no sounds apart from your feet striking the ground and your quickened breathing.

When I saw you, I couldn't hear the buzzing. When you were away, I always heard it. The Fatal Five knocked over a jewel vault on a trans-Neptunian station and instead of police sirens, I heard buzzing.

I went dancing with Thom at last. Somebody in the band had an ancient Terran instrument, a forked stick, that buzzed loudly enough to drown out the music-- not to mention whatever Thom was whispering in my ear.

My sister Mysa got in a pitched battle with a servant of Mordru on Sorcerer's World and instead of shouting spells at one another, they buzzed.

This went on for a month. I began to think that you'd acquired some mysterious new mental powers from your transformation. Somehow you were sending the buzz that nobody else could hear into my prophecies as some kind of weird revenge because I'd embarrassed you.

Shame on you, Brainy. I didn't mean you any harm. It was only a kiss.

"Dreamy, are you all right ?" I seemed to be hearing that from almost everyone lately. I was back in the lab being set up for a monitor session, this time by Invisible Kid.

"Of course I'm all right," I said more sharply than I meant to. "Why does everyone keep asking me that ?"

Lyle just raised an eyebrow at me and went back to setting up the instruments.

"Kid, I need a favor from you."

"Sure." He carefully affixed something near my right temple and looked at me. "What would that be ?"

"Adjust the sound sensitivity on that thing way up, and then listen for any... unusual sounds."

"Unusual ? Like outside interference unusual ? Subliminal diet ad unusual ?"

"Please, Lyle. Just do it. I'll explain later."

"All right. I'll do my best, Dreamy." I put my head back and let myself sleep.

_You were running down a steep hill in the same place I'd seen before. Barely able to keep your footing. I heard rocks slide and your labored breathing become coughing. Your face was smeared with dust, smoke, and sweat. The whites of your eyes had threads of dark green, probably also from the smoke. They must have hurt. The smoke was so thick that I could barely see you. If it was hard for me to see, how much harder was it for you ? In the background, I started to discern the shapes of towers in the distance. I recognized the severe, ugly architecture and the near-total lack of anything like a natural environment._

_Colu._

_You reached a field that was every bit as brown and barren as the others before. Through the smoke I could make out-- a ruined school. Only pieces of wall remained. The rest was bombed out. Rows of desks and chunks of machinery were flung in disorder, with forms scattered everywhere. Human-looking forms._

_The bodies of children. You reached the nearest one, a female, and helped her sit up. She was perhaps twelve or thirteen standard, only slightly older than you were when you fled Colu's Hive.__ For the first time, I heard the buzzing in a dream that you appeared in. It was faint. It was coming from the mouths of the sleeping children. The Hive children who tried to flee and were put down by their own people. Put to sleep with smoke, as beekeepers do when they tend to the swarms under their care. Under their control._

_The girl began to cough and wave at the smoke. You gave her water to help revive her as she rubbed her large blue eyes, their surfaces shifting as if they were waves in small pools. They were the eyes you had before your transformation to human. Only the color was different. The girl's hair was short, brown and curly, but her form was human even if her body was mechanical. Much as you once were. There was no mistaking it._

_  
Together, you walked the ruins as the smoke began to dissipate, trying to revive the other children. Only a few of them woke up._

_  
You took out a torn cloth and wiped your eyes, wiped at your discolored skin. As the cloth fell away from your face, I saw that you were older._ _Your face was lined everywhere and your hair was thin and shot through with gray. You had a neatly-trimmed beard, also graying. You looked fifty standard, or thereabouts, as your gaze moved up to the empty, steel-colored sky of your home world. Gradually that sky began to fill with your people. In combat form, bristling with armaments. Coming to retrieve their--  
_

I woke up, shaking my head. My own eyes were wet and Lyle was looking at me strangely.

"Did you hear it,_" _I asked him_._

"Hear what," he replied. "Dreamy, I can't hear the sound of a dream you're not having." He gestured to the monitor recorder light, which was red rather than green.

Nothing I saw in the dream was recorded. "Damn. _Damn it_." I closed my eyes and turned my head away. I was losing my powers, going crazy. I was--

"Dreamy, don't worry," Lyle said. "It's probably just a problem with the intake. I'll--" But I was already slipping a hand free of the supports and yanking off the straps and cords as fast as I could.

"Get me out of this thing right now ! Please, Lyle." But I didn't wait for him to loosen the supports. I ducked below them and slipped off the partially-reclined table, almost falling to the floor as I scrambled towards the lab exit.

The door slid open and I walked out as fast as I could. Violet was coming the other way with a box of parts in her hands. I barely avoided a collision with her.

"Dream Girl, are you--" but I strode toward the elevator, almost breaking into a run.

In my room, I fell backwards onto the bed, squeezing my eyes shut.

Brainy, what were you doing to me ? Naltorians aren't supposed to dream events that happen more than a year or so into the future. Why was I seeing you at half a century old ? What were you doing back on Colu ? Why were you making my dreams bleed into one another like that ?

I was supposed to be the strongest and most far-seeing precog on my homeworld. Would I have to resign from the Legion, go home and report with a shamed face to the High Seers that I wasn't worthy of representing them anymore ?

I fixed myself the strongest, hottest cup of _estchav_ that I could stand, and dusted it with vanilla sugar. Queuing up my com, I accessed every reference I had on my profession. Hoping against hope for some reasonable explanation-- some logic to what I'd been seeing and hearing. The late afternoon faded into early evening, the late summer sky turning a delicate blue-purple over New Metropolis. I didn't really notice. Forty-five thousand Khunds could have descended from the sky under shiny gold parachutes with red plastic trumpets and I wouldn't have noticed until one of them made a play for the remaining sugar packets on my desk.

The door buzzed. Twice.

"Not now. I'm working."

"Dream Girl, we have to talk to you." It was Shrinking Violet.

"Who is this 'we' ?"

"Let us in, Dreamy," said Invisible Kid. "C'mon. I brought dinner, since you didn't come down for anything."

_Oh, okay, Mom and Dad. I guess that changes everything._ I sighed and closed the doc I was poring over. "Come in."

Lyle walked in right after Violet, with a nul-grav hotplate that had a bubble-shaped ceramic container perched on it. Violet went and got two chairs from the stack in the corner and hauled them over to the desk, not bothering to ask me first.

"So what are we eating ? Lab rat ? I like mine with extra H2SO4, please."

Violet smirked as she pulled silverware and napkins from the bag she was carrying. "Hey, Lyle, either Dreamy's had your cooking before or she saw it in a nightmare."

"Shut up, Vi. You're lucky to get anything, considering that you almost brained me with that beaker an hour ago."

"Don't sneak up on me when you're invisible. I've told you about twenty times just in the last week not to do that, you asshole. It scares the shit out of me !"

"Hey, excuse me. I forget to turn back sometimes. Wear those infra-red goggles I gave you and you won't have to worry so much."

"Up yours. You're _so_ lucky Bouncy was there or I _really_ would have given you a piece of my mind."

I should have knocked their heads together, but he had the lid off the container and whatever-it-was smelled really amazing. I don't mean lab-rat-stew amazing, either. He spooned some oddly-colored rice from one compartment and then topped it with some soupy-looking stuff that was letting off clouds of steam. He handed us each a mug that he'd taken from hooks under the hot plate, before taking a portion for himself.

"So why are you two here, exactly." I took a spoonful of the soup-stew-whatever. It tasted wonderful. "What is this stuff, Lyle ?"

"Duck gumbo over dirty rice."

"Um... 'dirty ?'" I took another bite anyway.

"It's just an expression, Dreamy. I spent two semesters down in Arcadia in Terra's Southern Port Province before I took the serum, etc. Ardoin had an incredible biochemistry program. I pried this recipe out of my old lab partner right before I graduated. He was local. But I had to swear on a stack of textbooks that I wouldn't give the recipe to anyone else."

"Yeah, and then you traded it to Timber Wolf for a box of maple-nut shortbread," said Violet, grinning as she chewed.

"Y'know, you invited yourself along for this, Violet. I didn't."

"I'm only in it because I feel sorry for guys who wear headbands."

I sighed. "Look, much as I'm enjoying the special closeness you two share, I'd really like to know why you're here. So please, just spit it out."

"Dreamy, you freaked out and practically tore out of the lab. I-- We were just wondering why. There was a simple malfunction of the recorder's intake. We fixed it. Everything's fine." Lyle wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"No, it's not," I mumbled, stirring my food a little with my spoon. I took a few more bites and considered. How much future to share with your friends/teammates is always a sticky issue. Especially when at least one of them has the hots for the star of the dream.

I can imagine the look you'd want to give me at this point. Stuff it. Neither you nor Violet could have been any more obvious if you'd both taken out full-screen ads at Galaxy-Planet dot com. Trust me. Some things anyone can pick up on, even if they're not precogs.

"So did you not remember your dream at all, or did the recorder just not pick it up," Violet asked, spooning up the last bits of rice from her mug.

I put my own own mug down, and I told them both what I'd seen.

"Whoa." Lyle fumbled his spoon and almost dropped it on the carpet.

"B-but-- how can Brainy be on Colu ? He'd never go back there ! They'd kill him !" She jumped up and pointed an accusing finger at me. "Damn you, Nura ! You've had this dream before and you haven't told anyone ?!"

Like I said. Obvious. I sighed.

"Y'know, Violet. I didn't have to tell you anything at all. Especially since that couldn't possibly have been a literal envisioning of Brainy's future."

"She's right, Violet," said Lyle. "Brainy's not going to go from being fifteen standard to being fifty-five standard in one year. Naltorians usually don't dream metaphorically the way most humans do, but in this case it's obviously some kind of metaphor."

"I don't think that either of you are taking this seriously enough." She sat down again, but her hands were clenched into fists and her expression was dark. "How do you know he couldn't age that much in one year ? There's no scientific explanation for it, but there's also no scientific explanation for the transformation of machinery into human flesh. Yet we all saw him do that."

"There's no literal sense to it, any more than there'd be sense in his going back to Colu," said Lyle. "To-- what ? Blow up schools ?" He shook his head. "You seriously need to calm the hell down, Violet, especially since we're supposed to be here calming Dreamy down."

She muttered something in her native tongue at Lyle. Likely having to do with where he could stick his leftovers. Then she fell silent.

"Well, I appreciate the food and good cheer, fellow and sister scientist. Really, I do. But honestly, I just got a little frustrated. Even a metaphoric vision might be important in the long run, but I have no idea how important or how many years there are in 'long' at this point."

"I figured out the buzzing thing, though," said Lyle.

"Huh ? I thought you said that you couldn't hear it."

"I tweaked the intake when we repaired it," Violet said. "It was definitely audible and not traceable to any mechanical failure in the machinery-- once I made a few simple adjustments."

Lyle rolled his eyes. "Well, yeah. But what I meant was, obviously there's buzzing in the dream because of disorder in Colu's hive mind. Brainy caused a fair amount of havoc with his big metalloid family before he managed to finish off his ancestor. Hopefully finished." He shivered a little bit.

"Then what was with the smoke, Genius," said Violet.

"Smoke is one method used to keep bees passive," he replied. "Hell, Violet. Don't you have bees on Imsk ?"

"We tried them out, but they're tough to ride around on. The fuzz tickles in unpleasant places and they fly all wobbly. It makes a person dizzy."

I handed Lyle my empty mug. "It was nice visiting with you two. No, really. I mean it. But I have more research to do and you two have-- whatever it is you do. Lobbing grenades at one another from twenty paces, etc." I pointed towards the door.

So things ended there for awhile, Brainy. But I still see her from time to time. That girl with water-blue eyes and curly brown hair. The last time I saw her was in the ruins of a ship that had crashed in the middle of New Washington Square. Here in New Metropolis.

She pulled herself from the smoking wreckage of her ship, and then extracted several of her comrades. Some of them didn't survive the crash. She looked around at the strange scenery and at the curious crowd. She spoke, but the dream had no sound. Still, it was clear who they'd come looking for.

Brainy, I think that Lyle was more right than he knew. When you destroyed the first Brainiac and things reverted to their former state, not everything went completely back to the way it was before. The Hive wasn't as successful at purging you from its collective consciousness as it would have liked.

I think that some fragment of your own consciousness is running around in there, too small for them to notice right now. What happened in the week before your departure-- it's not finished yet.

Your blue-eyed sister and her comrades will be looking for you, Brainy. Though they have yet to be born, the search is already on. Toward what final outcome, I don't know.

If I knew where you were, I'd tell you. It's not the kind of news that I like to keep from a friend.

_  
(Notes: The title of this story comes from Terry Callier's excellent CD Speak Your Peace. Highly recommended. There really is an instrument like the one Dream Girl heard-- it's called a Filipino Buzz Stick, or "tugangay," or "devil-chaser." A website called The Free Sound Project has a sample for the curious. Invisible Kid's ficticious university, "Ardoin," is actually the name of a famous musical dynasty in Louisiana-- famous if you're a Zydeco fan. Say it "Uh-dwan," so it rhymes with "a man." I think. Thanks for reading.)_


	5. Meditations

_(Post-"Dark Victory." Bouncing Boy gets some unexpected news. I've had a couple of people ask me about the plot to this series of stories, and I have to admit there really isn't going to be one. It's essentially multiple snapshots of the same event from different perspectives, for whatever that's worth. I don't own any DC characters and situations and blah blah blah.)_

**Meditations**

On your last day, I begged you not to go. I didn't think that it would do any good, but I begged anyway.

Everyone was surprised at your announcement. Except for me, the founders and the original Superman, of course. You'd told them first. Then they'd called me in to tell me. I talked to you in private, but you were adamant. And I've never been good at inspirational speeches, I guess.

It was good manners for you to wait until after Kell's swearing in, at least-- before you broke the news to everyone else. I couldn't say as much for the manners some of the others had. Cosmic Boy looked openly relieved. So did Sun Boy, Nemesis Kid, and Element Lad.

I could sort of understand about Jan. He'd seen his entire culture wiped out, before he joined the Legion. All of his people were murdered by a lone madman. Maybe there were some unearthed memories that he would have rather just let lie. I suppose being the last of one's kind isn't something that a person just gets over.

As for the others, I would have rolled them into a pile of broken glass with no guilt whatsoever if I didn't think that was bad form for a two-time elected leader. Damn, Brainy. We should have been celebrating. Between you, the two Supermen, and Saturn Girl, we'd pulled off what should have been an impossible save. You held it together. You brought us back from beyond the brink of death. Even Luornu-- Trip was whole again, after most of us had given up hope on that front. Believe me, Brainy. I was the team member second-most grateful to you guys for that.

When she/they came running out of HQ, yelling and hugging everyone, I was pretty choked up. I admit it.

I'll never understand why you were walking around under a cloud, as if you had something to be ashamed of.

I sipped Phantom's punch and looked at the bright summer afternoon, wishing I knew the magic words that would keep you here. Knowing that I wasn't going to find them in time.

I remembered being almost the first person to reach you after your return, out there in space. Your rebirth. Shrinking Violet and Chameleon Boy got to you third and fourth, I think-- right after Clark and Kell. I was fifth. Maybe. You seemed to be neither completely awake nor asleep. You just kept blinking.

"Bouncy ! A little help here," said Cham.

"Is he-- ?"

"Whoa..." Violet was feeling your forehead, looking worriedly at your closed eyes and then feeling both points below your jaw. "He's-- He has a pulse !"

"Wow," Cham reached out and picked up your left wrist, sliding a thumb to the point there. "Hey, this isn't like neo-naugha or something ! Brainy, you're-- really human !"

You opened your eyes again and looked at us.

There was a whole lot of jaw-dropping and eye-rubbing going on out there. There were also a few people whose senses had finally shut down-- overloaded by one impossible event too many. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sun Boy and Dream Girl helping Star Boy back towards the ship. He was dazed, completely out of it. Timber Wolf and Dawnstar were helping Phantom Girl, who was shaking her head and mumbling something I couldn't make out. So were a few others, but at least everyone had returned from your ancestor's mechanized underworld. Everyone looked whole, at least physically.

"She's okay," said Wolf. "Just needs to be inside. He patted Brainy on the shoulder. "Welcome back, Brainy. See you back at HQ."

"Yeah, way to go, Brainy," I said, motioning Cham and Violet to step back. I was afraid we'd overwhelm you in the state you were in.

"What ?" You just kept blinking at us. "But, I--"

"C'mon, Brainy. Let's get you back to the ship. Saturn Girl and Duo Damsel can look you over when we get home." You nodded, and then looked over my shoulder at Cosmic Boy, who had glided over and was eying you like you were something he'd scraped off his boots at the dog park.

"I'm sorry," you murmured. "Cos, Bouncy, everyone. I'm so sorry."

"We can discuss this later," Cos said coldly, his voice raspy as if he'd been shouting earlier. "Let's just make sure we have everyone we came out here with and then get out of this damn floating cemetery."

"Cos, for the love of--" Lightning Lad had come up and was looking at Cos in amazement, not even seeming to notice that the mechanical arm you had destroyed was back, good as new. Even the hand was completely intact.

"We can _discuss this__ later_," Cos repeated. I sighed. There was one Superman on each side of you, looking every bit as protective as Cham and Violet did. I figured you'd be safe, if not comfortable, for the time being.

"He's right," I said, trying to keep my irritation with Cos out of my voice. "Discussions later. Right now everyone needs to be on _terra firma_ again, as soon as possible."

I hoped that once the new day began, things would begin to get back to normal, or something like it. No such luck.

So there we were in the courtyard, almost everyone socializing and collecting drinks from Phantom. Not Cos, of course. I'd sooner expect to wake up one morning weighing less than one of the pigeons on the roof than to ever see good ol' Rokk doing anything that could be described as a spontaneous celebration of life. At least in front of other people. I sighed. Cham wasn't in a drinking mood, either. He elbowed his way past me, walking towards the other side of the courtyard, his face doing dress rehearsal for a scowl.

"You're not saying goodbye," I asked him.

'What for," he muttered, not bothering to slow down or look at either of us.

I walked over and saw the bags you had parked next to a planter.

"So, I guess you're really serious about this, huh, Brainy ?"

"Yes, Bouncing Boy." You sighed and looked into your paper cup as if you hoped that your shuttle would pop out of it and whisk you away, right then and there.

"It's not going to be the same without you, Brainy." I took a drink of punch, but didn't really notice anything about it apart from the fact that it was cold on a warm day, which was enough. "We're going to miss you."

"Not everybody," you sipped from your own cup tentatively. "I'm doing you a favor, Bouncy. It will be better for everyone if I'm... elsewhere."

I thought of Cham and Violet and resisted the urge to try and shake some sense into you. "I didn't ask you to do me any favors," I snapped, unable to help myself. "Holding the team together is supposed to be my job, not yours. Besides, you saved my life, Brainy. You saved everyone's life. That makes all the other things in the big treasure chest of favors kind of pale in comparison, you know ?"

"I almost didn't." You were looking at Violet, who was watching you intently from a few meters away, her mouth set in a hard line. You looked away first, down at your feet. "I almost didn't."

" 'Almost' doesn't count," I said. "Not in my book, anyway."

"Well, I'm--"

"Stop apologizing, Brainy. The first thousand times were enough, really."

"All right." Another sigh. "You know, I don't understand why you're so concerned about _me_, Bouncy. Not when..." You trailed off and looked at something outside my line of vision.

"When what ?"

"It's not as if I was the last person you were thinking about before-- before everything--" your eyes darted around one more time. You pointed to Triplicate Girl, after making sure her backs were turned to us. She was accepting a collective bear hug from Saturn Girl (purple), Star Boy (white) and Phantom Girl (orange). You took a long pull from the punch this time, screwing up your nerve, I guess. Which would have made me laugh if you hadn't looked so deadly serious.

"You should say something to Luornu. She feels the same way." You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. "You were the last person she thought about, too. At the end. When everyone thought that it really was the end."

I almost dropped my cup. "Wh-what are you talking about, Brainy," I whispered. Okay, things must have been a little... jarring for you, what with being a full-blooded human for only a few days, but this was the first time it had occurred to me that you might actually be crazy.

You lowered your voice and leaned closer to me. "Bouncy, you were all-- we were all together there for a minute. When I-- when I drove _him_ out, there was a second there before everyone's data, everyone's thoughts went back where they belonged. They-- they exploded, right in front of my eyes. Rushed past me. I knew-- I saw it all. Everyone's data, everyone's thoughts." You rubbed at your temple with one hand. "I could _feel_ it. Feel everything."

"But--"

You held up your hand. "Just let me complete this train of thought before I lose my-- my nerve. Please ?"

"Go ahead." I had been shocked a few seconds ago, but now I was also curious as to where this was heading.

"I'd already forgotten most of it within a few hours of my transformation, but there are a few things that... stayed with me. It's really none of my business, but after everything that's--" Another sip. "I wanted you to know. She feels the same way about you as you do about her, Bouncy."

I got an image in my mind from childhood, of going down to the shore with my parents. Of scooping up a fistful of sun-warmed sand and watching nearly all of it rush out instantly, faster and faster as my hand tightened around it. But a few grains would always remain, even after I opened my hand.

"Brainy ?"

You just looked at me.

"Thanks for telling me."

"You're welcome." You took another pull from the drink cup. "Chuck... I'm only the Legion's past. But you and Luornu and the others are its future. I really do wish you well."

In all the time we'd known each other, you'd never called me by my given name before. At least not that I could remember.

You shook my hand, then turned and went to talk to Violet without waiting for any answer. Which was just as well, I guess. What could I have answered to that, anyway ?

Even with your back to me, I could tell from Violet's expression that you weren't going to take your own advice. It was then that I knew your transformation went all the way down. Or all the way through.

By the way, you're not fooling anyone... Querl. Probably not even yourself.

You'll be back.

_("Meditations" is a little gem of a Blues tune from Joanna Connor's fabulous CD Big Girl Blues. Lyrics posted at my LJ, if anyone's interested. Just google my name + "lj." Thanks for reading.)_


	6. Heavenly

_(Post-"Dark Victory." Triplicate Girl wants alone time with her friend. It's official. I'm now slightly past the halfway point of this series. I hope somebody's still reading besides me. Still rated 'T' for the usual reasons. Comments always welcome. I don't own any DC characters and situations and blah blah blah.)_

**Heavenly**

On your last day with the Legion, I didn't know how to say goodbye. Everything I could think of to say, well-- it just made me feel like I was turning into my own Mom.

I stood under the picture-perfect sky wanting to shake my fist at it. The heavens were mocking me. I was finally whole again, but you were leaving. You'd been a Legionnaire almost as long as me, Brainy. Of course part of me-- part of us all, was leaving with you.

After Kell's swearing in, after Superman's goodbye, after my own (White's) reunion with the others, I wanted so much to really talk with you. It's true that I (Orange/Purple) had been the one looking after you the night you returned. Saturn Girl and I gave you the once-over in the infirmary to make sure you were going to be okay in your brand-new organic skin. Still, making sure both your lungs worked properly and asking "Do you know how many fingers I'm holding up," isn't really a profound exchange of thoughts-- If you know what I mean.

Time was running out, but something still held me back. Maybe I drank too much of Tinya's punch too quickly. Or maybe it was my own mind still trying to reorient itself. Or it was the look on your face.

Like you thought I was angry with you, or that I hated you, or was scared of you.

But I wasn't, Brainy. I don't. I would never--

I didn't blame you for what the first Brainiac did. I never blamed you for that disaster that stranded Me (White) in the 41st Century for so long. You'd done your best, what you thought was right. Like everyone there. It wasn't your fault.

On that last day, practically everyone hugged and kissed me (us), welcomed (me) us back. You were apologetic, almost fearful, when I (White) came back. As if you were waiting for me (us) to berate you. As if-- you wanted me (White) to. As if that would somehow make everything exactly like it had been before.

Well, that was impossible. Nothing could be exactly what it had been before, but so what ? I knew that you hadn't hurt me/us on purpose.

Sometimes that 12th Level mind of yours is what Terrans like to call a stumbling block, Brainy. Some things are very easy to understand, if you'd only let yourself understand them. Some things you just have to view from more than one side, one place, one direction.

(Sigh.) See ? I really was turning into my own Mom.

I ended up just wandering around, idly chatting with everyone, and remembering stuff we'd been through together. I don't just mean the actual world-saving stuff, either.

Like the time we were all in the lounge one night after a really ugly brawl with the LSV and I heard my favorite Carggite dirty joke, which you didn't get. Okay, I shouldn't have laughed at that kind of thing. I'm supposed to be the representative of my people to the Legion, SciPol, Terra itself and so on. Respectable. Three stout hearts and three stiff upper lips (in one) at all times. But I couldn't help it. You must remember, because that was the joke that got Chameleon Boy his first-ever write-up from Cosmic Boy. It was completely unfair, too. Lightning Lad was the one who cracked the joke in the first place. It was just Cham's lousy luck to be spewing iced tea out his nose when Cos was walking by the couch next to the big screen-- in his dress uniform. Cham got him right on the sleeve.

Oil, rags, and matches, those three. They take turns playing the parts. When I'm elected team leader, they're never going to be allowed in the same room all at once. Ever.

I got Cos to relent on the write-up, later. He's not impossible to reason with. Not when you've known him as long as I have. I was the first non-founder on the team, after all. But I still wish that you'd given it a little more time before you took off. Cos would have calmed down if you'd been a little more patient. I just know it. Once he'd calmed down, the rest of the doubters would have fallen in line.

I kicked around the idea of getting Garth to try the joke out on you again that last day. Just to see if you'd get it this time. Then I saw you nearly fall over in a dead faint when Dream Girl kissed you on the cheek. So much for that idea.

There was so much I wanted to tell you about my (White's) time in the future. See, every time you guys came close to defeating Imperiex, his plans would change and the course of the time stream would alter again. Another smack in the head from those hideous giant blood-blister time paradox things and it was rewind time. Over and over again.

It was like one of those ratty old comedies that Bouncy loves so much. Except the guy in that movie came back to the same place every time his day started over again. 41st Century Metropolis, though, was different every time I returned. It was never a joy to be there, but some resets were worse than others. You saw some of the bad, of course, but there were worse times, too. When literally nothing was left standing and nobody was left alive but myself and Kell-El. (Who I didn't call by that name in the future. He wouldn't have understood, because he didn't know, didn't remember the start-overs. I was the only one who ever remembered.)

There were also times when the citizens in that wasteland were actually able to take time off from fighting and concentrate on rebuilding. I don't just mean literal rebuilding, either. Also, there was always somebody who reminded me in some way of you, or Phantom or-- Hell, that old woman six blocks south of HQ who stands on the corner selling those knockoff music chips. Things like that kept me going no matter how scared I was.

Anyway, I finished my punch. I accepted the team's good wishes and kind words. I waited as long as I could, hoping you'd approach me. I saw the sun start to move west, making everyone's shadows lengthen. The crowd started to thin and the pitcher ran dry. Timber Wolf, Invisible Kid and Colossal Boy-- of all people-- were singing some disjointed medley of songs in at least three languages, none of which I understood. Bouncing Boy and Lightning Lad were clapping in time to their little sound collage. Saturn Girl looked bemused and even Cos cracked a little smile at that when he thought that nobody would notice. Before he ordered all of them off-duty until they'd sobered up.

Well, Brin, bless his heart, was no singer. But Lyle and Gim ? Really, they both had nice voices. I'd never noticed it before then. Had you ? I had a brief flashback (or forward) to one of my (White's) days in No-Kind-of-Future-ville. A place where people who'd been through almost every kind of terror imaginable could still find voices to sing with.

"Don't worry, Cos," I said. "I'll go to the infirmary and get them some _estchav_ tabs or something to counteract all the good cheer." I pointed toward the front door. "You guys meet me there in ten minutes, okay ?"

The three of them nodded, a little sheepishly.

I turned to Bouncy and whispered, "We're meeting later at the diner, right ? We have some stuff to talk about. " Of course he turned red at that, but he nodded before taking his leave.

Phantom Girl had gone inside a little earlier and taken the tray with her, so I helped Wolf round up the remaining empty cups.

The founders drifted off near the curb to talk with each other, probably about you. Hey, I admit that I was wrapped up in my reunited self most of those past several hours, but that kind of tension is hard to miss. It was almost crackling between them like one of Garth's bolts.

The day was nearly over. Your bags were packed and waiting. I knew that it was my last chance to talk with you in something resembling privacy.

"Brainy..." I motioned you closer.

"Triplicate Girl... Luornu ?"

I slouched a little so that I could actually look you straight in the eye. Naturally that was the moment for everything to get jammed up in my throat.

_Don't go._

_Come back. Come back soon._

_If you don't come back, at least always remember us._

Damn if you didn't put your arms around me first. I hugged you as hard as I could.

"Be safe, Brainy... Querl. Be whole. Be happy." My voice shook. I didn't want to cry. Crying was stupid, weak, besides the point. We were all whole, we were all free, and we were all back in the business of living. In one place or another.

I let go first, not wanting you to be scared, embarrassed or just garden-variety annoyed with me.

"You, too, Trip. And I'll try. Really, I will." The look on your face told me that maybe, just maybe you understood everything, at least in that moment. Somebody had gotten through to you, even if I hadn't been me.

I pulled back up to my full height.

"You'd better, Genius."

The past, present and future all merged together then-- just for a moment, and why not ? After all, a hard blue sky, soft white clouds and blinding yellow light formed the roof over my adopted home. Dark wine mixed with coarse spices and honey turned into something to lighten steps and sweeten voices. Hope, bewilderment and sadness were all one, when I looked at you that final time.

I returned to my job, to the team and to the life you'd revived for us all.

For all/both our sakes, I didn't look back.

_("Heavenly" is a jazz composition by Art Lillard and Austin John Marshall. Lyrics at my LJ, as usual. Thanks for reading.)_


	7. Blackberry Blossoms

_(Post-"Dark Victory." Timber Wolf makes up a parcel. Rated 'T' again for all the usual reasons. Comments always welcome. Fun Fact: I took our own FunkyFish1991's "Which Legionnaire Are You" quiz a couple of weeks ago and apparently I am... Timber Wolf. Go figure. I don't own any DC characters and situations and blah blah blah.)_

**Blackberry Blossoms**

On the day you left, I wanted something that would wrap up all my questions in a neat little parcel and just haul them away. Maybe your exit was accomplishing that in some people's minds. Not in mine, though.

For example, your... evolution. Was that against your will, or am I just projecting? That's what the head doctors like to call it, I think. Not that I asked. It was none of my business. Besides, maybe even you didn't know for sure.

The afternoon was hot, and I tried to sip my punch instead of gulping it down. Phantom Girl always has had a way with drinks, even though she practically breaks out in hives whenever I ask her to hang out in the kitchen with me. Tinya had been in bad shape the night of everyone's return, but by the next morning she was fine. Maybe it's one reason I feel so drawn to her: That resilience. If I'm close to her maybe I can borrow it if I need to.

I roamed the courtyard talking to people after Kell's swearing-in. I said goodbye to him and goodbye to Clark. I hugged White Trip when she came charging out of HQ, yelling like she was on fire. Then I got myself some more punch from the tray. Mostly it was an excuse to talk to you, since that's where you'd parked.

"Brainy?" You'd been talking to Shrinking Violet, but now she was walking away.

"Timber Wolf."

"Just wanted to wish you luck."

"Thank You."

"Got everything you need for your trip? Credits? Itinerary? Magazines? Toothbrush?"

That produced a small smile. "Yes. Also a solid light hologram unit. "

"In case you finally decide to take up skyfarming?" It was a risky thing to harp on, but apparently we were united in no longer giving a damn. Fine with me. Who knew when, or if, you were coming back?

"Of course."

It happened not long after our little trip to Kandor with Superman: Your first step onto the path that would bring us all to dismantling, reassembly and finally to this cut-rate excuse for a cocktail party. I was fidgeting at the monitor board, anxious to be done with my shift. Saturn Girl sailed over to the desk and gave her trademark silent once-over. Even on days when I'm not trying to hide anything, that look of hers makes me nervous. And this was the other kind of day.

"Hi, Timber Wolf."

"Saturn Girl? You don't have afternoon shift, do you? Anyway you're about ten minutes early."

"No, I don't. But I do need to know if you have any special plans in ten minutes."

"Not that I'm aware of."

"Well, you do now." She placed a sealed note in my hand, along with a pocket-sized SLH unit. "See you later." Just like that, she was gone.

I read the note. Twenty minutes later, I was halfway downtown, walking up the steps of the old S.T.A.R. Skyfarm. Funny how imposing that strange old building looked, even though it was dwarfed by most of the structures that had come along later. Maybe that's what protected it from centuries of attack while other buildings had fallen around it over and over again. Villains like ugly design, or they figure that after conquering Earth, it might be nice to kick back with fresh melon and a few peeled grapes.

Your note had directed me to a specific spot on the 11th floor. I had the pocket holo activated to make me look like any other human. So did you, but I could still smell that I had the right person. A short blond male with pale skin, old-fashioned wire glasses and an NMU sweatshirt that looked a size too big over ugly brown trousers.

"Hello, Timber Wolf. I'm pleased that you could get here so quickly." I smelled a hundred varieties of fruit ripening under the hum of long-necked solar lamps. It made me sorry that I'd rushed out of HQ without lunch. Somewhere on the floor above, recycled water hissed through filters and pipes before splashing into a fountain and then resuming its circular trip. On the floor below, I heard a guide leading tourists around. You were pretending to read a floating display about the life cycle of blackberry plants.

"Um, Brainy. Why are we here?" A guard in a lemon-yellow blazer drifted by, noting us from the corner of her single red eye.

"How did Terrans come to view this as a food source?" You gestured at the thicket of thorny plants, sprinkled all over with small white flowers and held in check by an open-topped cylinder of thick glass. "The fruit is mostly indigestible seed. In addition, the plant is not considered particularly attractive even when in flower. You leaned almost nonchalantly on the metal safety rail. "It is riddled with thorns in most of its strains. Then consider its near- legendary invasive qualities. Even the Daxamites claim to be in awe of its tenacity. That should tell you something."

The guard's three tentacles rolled her into the hall and out of earshot.

"Brainy..."

"It is an advantageous place to speak without interlopers. Nobody would look closely at _Rubus fruticosus_ unless directed to on tour. The guides are not due back here until--"

"Brainy, what's the joke already? Is this something Lightning Lad and Bouncy cooked up?"

You held out a small notepad, one of the general-usage units that always sat in the lounge. I took it and looked at the notes I'd written on it the previous week. My "face" turned red.

"I thought that I'd erased this."

"You gave the command, but the unit proved defective when I checked out all the lounge machinery three days ago. This pad should be repaired or discarded. Wolf..." Your "eyes" met mine, devoid of any nonchalance by then. "I want your word that you are not considering this... insane idea."

"What?! Look, Brainy. This isn't any of your business. Those formulas could make me into a human being again. Why shouldn't I be considering that?"

"Those formulae on analysis produce a 75 percent chance of fatality, Wolf. Every modification I ran brought chance no lower than 46 percent. In all circumstances, chances are better than 82 percent that your powers would be permanently compromised or lost even in the absence of other physical alterations. I ran the figures a dozen times in the lab."

"Terrific." I threw up my hands. "So who else knows? Shrinking Violet ? That kid at the Outpost: Norg? Isn't _he_ a chemist? Why not just post this in the breakroom over a damn suggestion box?"

"When did we acquire a--?"

"Never mind."

"Wolf, I haven't spoken with anybody other than Saturn. Please believe me."

I growled and looked at my feet.

"We are supposed to be teammates. I can't pretend to fathom everything that humans think and do, but... Why are you even considering such dangerous and unnecessary procedures? Did this information, this... proposal on which you made these notes, originate with your father?"

"No. Somebody in my mother's family sent it. The Keelys. This is the first I've heard from them since she died. I guess when you're a Legionnaire it gets people's attention."

V'Layla Keely was... She was devoted to a number of things, including me. She loved the outdoors, but not the kind you see in ads for resorts. Leisure made her uncomfortable, even though she was born rich. My father, Mar, was from poor stock, and he took to wealth with an enthusiasm that she lacked.

Mom took me along to every corner of Rawl and Zuun on quests for the plants and animals that she wrote about in her books. In every season. Whether if it was an Elis Fern sprung like a huge purple flame from the center of a rotted tree stump or a handful of coin-sized black snapping turtles along the sandy edge of a riverbed. She took careful note of what she'd found and where it came from. She treated her finds like long-lost friends on a too-short visit. Not like possessions. The return of her subject to its home was as important to her as the original acquisition.

In short, she had little or nothing in common with my father. How they even stayed together long enough to conceive a kid; That's a question that deserves a parcel and a postal freighter for sure.

"C'mon, Brin." She'd march into the big circular central room at home-- the one that doubled as her writing room and my schoolroom. I'd grab the same old, often-mended blue slicker and dark green knee boots that she'd worn herself as a little kid on the family nature excursions. She'd summon our "hound," a nul-grav robot for tracking specific subjects. It traveled on an electronic "leash" and had a face, ears and tail; my father's design to amuse his son. "Our friends are going home."

We had to be silent in the field, except for an occasional whisper. But in the flyer coming and going, Mom would teach me folk songs she'd learned as a girl.

"Dad says your voice is bad." I was honest/thoughtless like only a small child can be.

"Dad's right." Sheets of rain would dance across the windshield and the wipers would pulse. "Too bad for you that his is worse than mine. Unless you're a sport, you'll never be a music star."

"What's a 'sport?' "

"A mutant." She'd ruffle my hair. "Like those albino D'Strali grasses we picked up last week in Territory SE-92."

"Oh."

Dad was home only sometimes. Mostly he was in the Heisenberg System, getting his degrees on her credits. Between semesters or on holidays, they'd cook meals, talking quietly and telling jokes to each other while I played nearby. As I got older, the talk got louder and the jokes died off. When things reached a certain decibel level, I'd be sent from the room. My meals would come to me later on. From one or the other of them-- or from the robot attendants Mom had once used only when she was too busy or too ill to take care of me.

When I was nine standard, she died while I was on vacation with Dad. A brain aneurysm. I really believed that he felt the same loss I did. Later on, I had my doubts. His own parents had long since died, and if her parents were skeptical, they kept quiet. Maybe they were afraid of him. Maybe they decided that one child and one grandchild were expendable, since they had so many others. I've never asked them and they've never offered to explain.

Another parcel. Look at them stack up.

That proposal was the first time I'd heard anything from them in years.

"So you believe that these people are trustworthy?" You shook your head. "I find their scientific methods to be, at the very least, questionable."

I shrugged. "I don't know. After that last business with dear old Dad, and seeing what happened with Garth's sister, I guess that..."

"I don't really understand the connection you're making between those two events."

A mobile donation box floated over to us and I waved it away. "I guess you wouldn't. Don't you ever miss something you had, something you once were? Don't you ever want it back?"

You paced a few meters away, then back. "If I took back what I was I before, what I am now would be impossible. So I'd have to say that the answer is 'no.' "

"It must be nice to be so damn sure about everything." Before you could respond, I snapped. "Fine. You're half-right. Throw the damn thing away." I thrust the pad back in your hands. "I'll throw away my copies, too. It's not even so much that I could end up dead." You raised one fake eyebrow. "But likely none of these people would want to deal with me unless they thought I was on my way to being really human again. So to hell with them."

You studied your feet.

"What? Isn't that good enough for you? Run a security scan in a couple of hours if you want to make sure I've really purged the records. You're allowed. Nobody will stop you, and it's not like I'm going to go shouting this conversation from HQ's rooftop."

"Wolf..." You looked up. "I'm not as sure of things as you think. When I left my home planet, I wanted to understand humanity. But the more time I spend among you, the more I realize that even humans have yet to arrive at an agreement about what 'really human' is. However, I am sure of one thing: Statistically speaking, any attempts at a... reversion would be dangerous to you."

"Thanks. You've made your point. Can I go now?"

I didn't wait for an answer. I shut off the SLH unit and tossed it at you before heading for the lift. If anyone downstairs was startled by the strange creature storming out of the building, they didn't let on.

That was the last time we'd spoken about it. Almost.

"I wasn't very fair to you then, was I? You or... Or Imra. I'm sorry."

"Never mind, Wolf. Can we just take the last few days into account and call it even? Anyway, my delivery could have been a little better. Or so my memory says." A small frown.

"You'd rather not remember?" It was a more personal question than I'd meant to ask, but it was too late to take it back.

"I suppose. I'd rather forget... a lot of things." You held up your hand before I could speak. "Maybe then I could stay here. I know that's what... some of the team would like."

"Brainy, you have to do what you think is best. I wish you would stay. A lot of us do, but it's your decision."

I took out the small box I'd been carrying. It was a book-pad sized parcel, wrapped in paper over a plastic case.

"Here. You might get hungry at the station. Put this in your bag."

"What is it?"

I grinned. "Blackberry cake. I made it for Tinya this morning, but she won't mind. She'll still be here tomorrow. I can always make more."

"This couldn't be an entire cake. Should I even ask what happened to the rest of it?"

"Star Boy and Colossal Boy happened to it." I rolled my eyes. "That's what I get for turning my back."

"Hmm." You took the parcel and turned it over in mock-skepticism. "Well, they're both still standing... more or less. I suppose that means this is safe for... human consumption."

"It's safe. Also sour, gritty, sticky, messy, and sweet."

"Thank You. I suppose that's meant to be some kind of metaphor, relating to... something."

I shrugged.

I didn't tell you the whole truth that day, of course. The week before, another Keely had contacted me, so I'd set aside some cake for the meet-up we had planned for the next day. His name is Djalma and he's a first cousin. Two years older than me. A music student, a sport, a "black sheep," as Terrans like to say. If he thinks that I need to be cured of anything, he hasn't mentioned it, at least not yet.

Sheep meets wolf and they have cake. The future looks to be every bit as strange as the past and present.

I raised the remains of my drink as you turned away. I offered a silent toast to strange futures, and to things that won't go in a parcel. They stay underfoot, because we can't bring ourselves to throw them out. Or because they bear the kind of fruit that we don't want to do without.

Goodbye, Brainy. Thanks again.

_("Blackberry Blossoms" is a traditional melody to which the incredible Abbey Lincoln added words on her CD Over the Years. "Skyfarming" aka Vertical Farming is real and advocated by some scientists as a legitimate way to deal with food shortages and loss of arable farmland. "Djalma" is a nod to the late Brazilian guitarist Djalma de Andrade, also sometimes known as Bola Sete. I owe a special thanks to Kelen at livejournal's __**sprock you**__ for her assistance with some of the details in this chapter. Thanks for reading.)_


	8. Empty Cup

_(Post-"Dark Victory." Phantom Girl tends bar. Rated 'T' again, for all the usual reasons. Fleeting references to a few possible pairings. Comments always welcome. I don't own any DC characters and situations and blah blah blah.)_

**Empty Cup**

On your last day as a Legionnaire, I was thirsty for activity, noise, company-- as much as I could possibly get. I had been in that state since the night we'd all come home from digitized hell. The drinks were only shorthand for my real desire. Most material things are-- most of the time.

Once in awhile I still have nightmares about it. Those days right before you changed to human. In them, I'm not digitized. Somehow my phasing power saves me from the first Brainiac. I float and watch helplessly while all about me my friends and loved ones are gathered up like so many crushed pebbles to rattle around forever inside the monster's head. Everyone else is gone. I'm the only one left to warn the other planets, the other systems of what's coming. Like so many prophets in so many stories, nobody believes what I tell them. Not even Bgtzl itself pays attention until it's too late.

Maybe that's why, at what I thought was my last moment, all I could think was: _This is better than being alive and all alone._ Maybe that's why I was in solid form. I didn't want to take any chances on being the sole survivor. Or maybe I was just out of my mind with terror. But I try not to dwell on past mistakes and spend every hour second-guessing things.

I hope it's the same for you.

Anyway, Cosmic Boy was giving me _that look_, but I wasn't fooled. We'd both come back from your... comeback in lousy shape, but it was taking him longer to get back to himself than it took me. I didn't even bother to give him the stink-eye, like Bouncing Boy calls it. I just hit the button on the false base of the drink pitcher and got him some ice water.

"Relax, Cos. It's been days now. Haven't you figured out yet that we're really alive? You're not part of the big light show inside Brainiac 1's skull anymore."

He rolled his eyes at me and took the paper cup. "One pitcher, Phantom Girl. That's it."

"Okay, Dad." I patted him on the shoulder. "You can sit next to me later at the card tournament in case any of the boys get fresh, too."

"Card tournament? Did Bouncing Boy approve this?"

"Of course. Whose idea do you think it was? But I'm helping Ultra Boy and Timber Wolf set it up. Bouncy's too busy."

I "called" the drink tray to my side and left him standing there, shaking his head. He should have been grateful to Jo, Brin and me for providing a distraction when he needed it. He's been taking me for granted since we met. Hey, _I_ was the fourth Legionnaire! I was sworn in before Triplicate Girl. I don't care how _she_ remembers it!

Anyway, I already knew that filling your shoes wasn't going to be the seamless transfer that Cos was hoping for. It was his idea the next day to kick Invisible Kid upstairs, to finally bring him in from the field and give him a full-time lab post. But I'd been undercover already with Lyle and Violet on a couple of training missions, and I'd seen the two of them working together-- if you could call it that. What was Timber Wolf's comment? Oh, right. _They get along amazingly well for two people who absolutely loathe one another._

Well, let that be Cos' punishment for not standing by you like he should have. He's paid for it over and over again, let me tell you, Brainy. Too bad that the rest of us have paid, too. After their last dust-up in the lab, Cham suggested that we move it twenty kilometers underground for everyone's safety. Wow. I thought my Mom's buddies had the planet-sized ego thing all covered. Until I saw scientists mix it up.

So I found you and handed you a cup of punch. I pointedly ignored your skeptical expression.

"C'mon, Brainy. It won't kill you."

"Are you positive?" A small sniff at the contents, a raised eyebrow. Of all the things that I was having trouble getting used to in the "new" you, the eyes were at the top of the list. They seemed to broadcast everything on every possible frequency. If you'd stayed on for cards, the others would have divided you up and eaten the parts like a _Tgszda_ deer chucked face-first into a pack of hungry _Ulgmitk_ cats. You would have ended up neck-deep in debt for the remainder of the century.

"Hey, live a little, Mr. Flesh-and-Blood. I've been drinking this stuff in one form or another since I was old enough to sit at the kids' table for my Mom's holiday parties. It's only made me stronger."

"Oh. I see." You finally took a small sip and looked thoughtful.

"Besides, you owe me. Who do you think's been traipsing along with the founders for the past couple of days, calming down every official and dignitary for light-years around? Who do you think has been assuring my Mom and everyone else that you won't freak out and start grinding up planets again and that they don't need to put you in custody for the good of the entire U.P.?"

"Point taken." You gave a little smile with a sly undertone to it. "By the way, that was... an impressive outfit you wore for the news feeds yesterday. Do you have to keep the headdress intangible in order to fit yourself through doorways?"

"Don't. Don't even go there, Brainy. I only wear that-- that fashion nightmare to keep my mother off my back."

You nodded absently. Something else was abruptly on your mind as you looked into your punch and swirled the dark liquid around a few times. The ice rolled over and reflected little white-gold scraps of midsummer sun.

"Phantom, is there... supposed to be dirt in this beverage?"

"It's spices, not dirt. A dozen different ones, mostly from back home. I had to improvise with a few local things, though. Also, the wine's unfiltered. The sediment is left in there on purpose and the honey is partially crystallized. It's traditional."

"Why?"

"It's _Adn_-- a festival punch. Bgtzl used to have a holy city called Adnbg that had all these temples and shrines around its largest lake. The pilgrims would cleanse themselves when they reached their destination by stirring up the lake's water and then drinking a handful of it."

Your face went a bit paler at that. "T-they drank dirty water to purify themselves?"

I hadn't wanted you to go away before, and now I was even sadder about it. Oh, the fun I would have had teasing the new you about-- well, damn near everything now that you were so easily rattled. I continued, "So later that tradition was replaced by this one, and even later the religious ceremony turned into a secular one. It's good luck to drink this on the eve of a journey. Wherever it might be."

"But this is afternoon."

"A metaphoric eve, then."

"Didn't you just state that the custom was to drink upon arrival?"

"I won't be there when you arrive-- wherever, Brainy. As Bouncy would say, 'I'm improvising.' " Damn you. We were abruptly in a contest to see who could feel/look unhappiest. "Luck and love are in here." I gently knocked my paper cylinder against the one in your hand. "Just please accept it and stop dissecting it, okay?'

Thankfully we were about to have competition in the negativity sweepstakes, because otherwise I might have started crying.

"Oh! Hey, Cham!" He was standing there, just looking at us. I started to offer him a drink, but he ignored me, shot you a look that could be charitably described as "distraught," and turned his attention to somebody else a few meters away.

You shook your head and took a much less tentative drink from the cup. "I don't really know why--"

"Yes, you _do_ know, Brainy."

"What?"

"Don't look at me like that. You brought it on yourself. Not the whole thing with Great-Great Granddaddy Super-Skull. I know you didn't mean any of _that_."

"Phantom--"

"I mean, what the hell were you thinking, springing this on everyone on such short notice? Are we all supposed to be grateful that you didn't just sneak out in the small hours of the morning?"

"Believe me, Phantom. I considered doing just that." You were glancing past me toward Cham's receding back. "Do you think that maybe--"

"_No._ Ten thousand _times_ 'no.' I will NOT play go-between for a couple of idiot males so they can figure out how to have a non-conversation-- about their lack of ability to hold a conversation! Forget it!! I'd sooner spend another fun-filled day on Zerox. Also I have a card game to help set up in half an hour.

"It's... just a little overwhelming. I'm not sure if I can--"

"**No.** Together you two add up to about a twenty-level mind and roughly twenty-nine years of life with other sentients. So hammer it out for yourselves."

Honestly. I'm... fond of Brin and Jo and they're both fond of me. Somehow this has never led to them beating each other to death, which makes me happy. Maybe you two could also manage to behave like grownups. If you couldn't, not my problem.

"Phantom, please. That's not even mathematically--"

"Brainy? Uh..." It was Shrinking Violet. "C-can I talk to you for a minute?" She took the cup I handed her, and there was a little tremor in her grip. "Thanks, Phantom Girl." But she wasn't really looking at me. The full force of her expression was on you, and it was halfway between _I'll love you forever_ and _You're going to be wearing this drink in fifteen seconds, you selfish asshole._

I felt sorry for you, though not as much as I did for her. I took a deep breath.

"Fine. I'll make sure Cham has something to drink." I waved you silent before you could say anything else. "That's all, so don't say anything else about it." I took your free hand and squeezed it tightly. "Luck and love, Querl. You'll have to do the rest, okay?"

You nodded and squeezed back. 'Thanks, Tinya."

There was a little good news not long after you left. Violet also passed on the card game. She went to sleep early and kept Brin from walking away with even more credits. A couple of days after that, Mano busted out of jail, gathered up a few nondescript thugs and attacked a museum in New Xing-Wei. It was nice to get out of town for a few hours and take in some culture. It helped me get my mind off things. I still don't know why he was there without his usual friends. Maybe they'd had a trying week, too.

Personally, I thought the sculptures he was after for the metal were pretty atrocious, but what do I know about 22nd Century art? There were a few bad moments, but mostly things went off without too many problems. It was just me, Violet and Trip because everyone else was busy. You'd never know that Trip had still been Duo a few days before. She was tearing things up out there. Violet was a little unlucky, though. She was disrupting some thug's weapon from the inside when it blew up, and her left arm got some nasty burns before she could grow out of harm's way.

We got her home and patched up all right, though. I went looking for her a few hours later and found her on the roof with Orange and White Trip, drinking tea and watching the sunset. The weather had turned cool while we were gone, a practice run for autumn. It was breezy enough for the clouds to be having a foot race.

"Hey, Ladies. Is there room for me?"

"Of course there is, Phantom." Orange waved me over. "Purple should be up as soon as she finishes writing the report on Mano's little escapade." She gave White a sly look. "_Somebody's_ really taking advantage of her time in futuristic Hell to get out of her regular duties, isn't she?"

White stuck her tongue out at Orange. Violet laughed, spraying tea over the safety rail.

"Do you want something to drink, Phantom?" She held out the container with her good arm.

"No thanks. I can't drink sourfruit the way you mix it. Too salty."

"That's how we drink it back home. It's not my fault that the rest of the U.P. is weird. Anyway, the bottom compartment has jasmine in it. Just turn the lever."

"Oh, in that case..." I took the collapsible cup that White handed me and shook it open. I considered asking Violet how she was doing, but she probably would have thought that I was asking about her injury. Or she would have pretended to think so. The lift door hummed open and there was Saturn Girl. She walked over and handed Violet a beat-up looking pad.

"Hey, Violet, your assistant sent up your pocket com. He said you left it in the lab sink."

"I did?" Violet shook her head as she carefully switched hands and accepted it. "I guess it's been a long day. Thanks."

"Violet has an assistant?" I was looking over the railing, eyeballing a pleasure craft that was headed toward the harbor. It was silver and had a crimped-down bright blue fin that would double as a sail when it hit the water. There was elaborate design etched in curves along the side. It was hideous. I smiled because it reminded me of something my Mom would like.

"It's news to me." Violet shrugged and looked at Saturn. "Is there something I need to know?"

Saturn just gave her mysterious little smile and sipped the tea that Orange handed her.

"Hah." White was grinning. "I knew you only yelled at Invisible Kid because he likes you."

"Bite all three of your tongues, Trip," Violet grimaced. "Assistant," is two syllables too long for Norg. Saturn, she's totally off-system here. Tell her that she is. Please."

"You're totally off-system here, White." Saturn pressed the side of her ring and pretended to study the small calendar that floated in the air before her. "Oh, I have a ton of paperwork to do. I'll see you all later. Thanks for the tea." She headed back to the lift and was gone in a flash.

"I hate it when she does that," Orange mumbled, finishing off the last of her tea. "The only person worse with the whole girl-of-mystery thing is Dreamy."

"He's arrogant. Also he sings to himself in the lab," snarled Violet. "In... what is it called... Frankish?"

"French," said Orange. I think that's what it is. Like Foccart when he's in from the reserves, only different."

"Whatever. Annoying in _any_ language."

"At least you always know when he's there. Plus he has a nice voice." White grinned. "Stop complaining, or _I'll_ come into the lab and sing and then you'll _really_ be hating life."

They kept on bantering, but I lost the thread of the conversation. I was watching the streaks of pink, the clouds and the flyers and ships that darted around them. Thinking of how you were intangible but still present to me, and maybe for the others, too. Nobody knows better than me that untouchable isn't the same as "gone."

I don't really understand what you were thirsty for when you left, My Friend.

But I hope that you find it.

_("Empty Cup" is a blues tune from Sue Foley's Love Comin' Down cd. Lyrics at my LJ, like usual. Thanks for reading.)_


	9. Stranger Than Love

_(Post-"Dark Victory." Cosmic Boy knows some things about the dark. Rated 'T' again for all the usual reasons. There's an actual pairing in this one. Though the traditionalists will want my kneecaps broken when they see how I've, uh... reinterpreted a certain someone. Too bad. :p Comments always welcome. I don't own any DC characters and situations and blah blah blah.)_

**Stranger Than Love**

On the your last day here, I was still cold-- inside and out. The summer sun might as well have been painted paper for all the good it was doing me.

I would look at you and I'd be back... out there. Superman nearly dying, the people in my care disintegrated one after the other. The worst pain I'd ever felt, or ever hope to feel. Broken into fragments. Ground into dust, atoms, "1's & 0's." Absorbed into your ancestor's death ship.

I was part of the darkness inside that monster's mind. I tried to scream, but there was no sound. Then it started up again, in reverse. 0's and 1's. Atoms. Dust. Fragments. Wholeness. An end to pain. Disbelief, amazement, on everyone's faces.

You reappeared before us, shedding your old skin like a reptile. Your new self, the one who looked wholly human, gasped.

Met our eyes. Looked away. You knew what you had done. I knew that I would never forgive you for it.

I wondered _why did you have to come back at all?_

Duo Damsel and Bouncing Boy took care of piloting the cruiser while I walked around and talked to some of the others;Those who couldn't get back to HQ on their own power, or who simply chose not to. Saturn Girl got a scanner and checked everyone out, one by one-- either on the ship or back at the infirmary on Earth. Gim was pale and shaken. When I held his hands, they felt like ice. I told him everything was all right, even though I doubted it. His expression was like looking straight into my own state of mind. Out one corner of my eye, I saw Dream Girl sitting quietly with Star Boy, who was unconscious. Timber Wolf stayed with Phantom Girl.

"What was she saying, do you know?" I heard Jo's voice when he came in to spell Wolf. Tinya had been muttering the same indecipherable phrase over and over again since we'd first boarded the ship home. She only fell silent after Duo gave her something to help her sleep.

"No idea," Brin replied. "I'll be back in half an hour." The door slid shut.

I didn't look on as Imra and Luornu looked after you. I sat on the other side of the room-- at the medical report console. Shock and fear still roiled in me, but I pushed them back. While Duo and Saturn worked, I started digging through the messages that had been coming in for hours from various officials with the U.P. Four million variations of what-the-hell-have-you-freaks-done-now that needed to be dealt with right away. I was relieved to find a task that could keep me up until sunrise. The thought of going to sleep, of facing the darkness again so soon, was frightening.

"Hey, slow down, Rokk. Are you sure you're ready for all that?" Purple had walked over quietly and laid a hand on my shoulder.

"Luornu, Please. I feel fine."

"Do you want something for your throat at least? You sound a little hoarse."

"Never mind that now. Is everyone else all right?"

"Uh-huh. A lot of people don't even remember being... well, you know. I hardly remember it myself." I envied her forgetfulness and everyone else's, too. I was standing by this time and looking over at the other table, where Saturn was sitting next to you. She looked at me across your sleeping form and put a finger to her lips. _Rokk, outside, Please._

In the hall, I got a good look at Imra's face. There were circles under her eyes, as if she'd been awake for two weeks straight. Her shoulders sagged. Something caught in my throat and all I could do was hug her.

"Imra, what in hell did he do to you?"

"Nothing." She mumbled. "Nothing on purpose, anyway." She gently let me go. "Listen, Rokk. I know you're angry, but can you at least let Brainy rest for a while? It took me a lot of work to get him calmed down."

"You could have just sedated him."

"Where I'm from you don't use chemical sedation on a disturbed kid," she hissed. "He would have been suffocated by his own emotions with nobody there to help him."

"How you can feel sorry for him after what he did to us?"

She moved a hand toward my temple and suddenly she was as upright and determined as I've ever seen her. "Rokk, this isn't about---" She hesitated, and the hand went to my shoulder instead. "Never mind. Just drop it until daylight." Her mouth was set in a hard line. "I mean it."

"Fine. But this isn't over, Imra."

"You're right," she said dryly. "Here we all are, decidedly not over. Amazing, if you think about it." She leaned up and kissed my cheek. "I'll pitch in on the reports in the morning, if you and Bouncy need help."

When I got into bed, I was asleep within a minute, but not before programming the lights to stay on. I'd spent enough time in the dark.

I did talk about it with somebody the next day. Another Braalian: one ten years my senior. It was a chance to not be the oldest person in the room for a change. Dr. Dalar Sevrin worked with disaster survivors, always a reliable trade in New Metropolis. So on a lot of levels, we were well matched.

Sevrin had a small office in the Old East Village. I liked the aged feeling of the buildings and the way they were crowded together. It made me think of my home planet.

"Thanks for seeing me on such short notice, Sevrin."

"I couldn't ignore a message like that." He shook my hand, like always, before motioning me to sit down.

He pushed a few curls of brown hair away from his forehead, and waited, his black eyes zeroing in on me as he sat down next to the desk.

"Me neither." The sky looked overcast through the large, often-patched window behind him. "I guess it's the truth, but I'm not proud of leaving it."

Sevrin shoved some papers aside and leaned against the desk. He carefully wrote something by hand on his comp pad. "Truth is necessary, Rokk. No matter how unpleasant or unflattering. Doing what's necessary isn't always about pride."

I looked at the family holos hovering half a meter above his desk. I studied a few vehicles and birds over the towers in the distance and drank my coffee.

"Rokk? I know your people have been through some close calls before, but I gather that nobody who's actually died in action has ever returned before. If this is too soon..."

I shook my head. "I'm just not sure how to... I should be keeping my emotions in check, Sevrin, but I can't. They might just as well be tattooed on my forehead."

He nodded for me to continue.

"I failed everyone out there." A shiver, and how I hated myself for that. "There was darkness, but no peace in death--I'd always been told that death meant peace."

He waited.

"I don't trust Dox anymore. People keep telling me that it's not his fault. He wasn't responsible for what he did. He openly regrets it. But I can't..."

"He apologized?"

"Yes." I closed my eyes, feeling the beginnings of a headache. "More than once."

"Could it change? Something he could do, or you could do, might...?"

"No."

"Rokk, it's been barely a week since this... trajectory began for all of you. Thinking 'forever' is a little premature."

"Well, it feels like I'll be dealing with the ramifications forever," I snapped. "Between the breakdown in unity on the team itself and the U.P. Gov breathing down our necks..." I shook my head. "Damnit, I know I sound like a... Things were fine the way they were. I understood him, as much as humans can understand somebody who resembles them but isn't human. I'd assumed it was the same for him, in reverse.

"Nothing makes sense now. Machines don't become flesh and blood. How did it-- he...?"

Sevrin waited.

"Sorry." I closed my eyes for a minute.

"For what?"

I shrugged. _For being a scared kid and sounding like one._

"What exactly are you asking for? Realistically. I don't mean the fantasy that you can forget what you know. You've remembered for a reason."

"I don't believe anything. Not what I've seen, or heard or that he's sorry or that he's really changed in any way that matters. How can I continue to do my job if I can't believe what's right in front of me, Sevrin?"

"You want to believe."

"I want my team to not tear itself apart over this, which seems to be the way we're headed."

"Rokk, belief isn't going to come on any particular schedule. But it will come. What you're going through now is just a transition-- this kind of frustration and pain."

"This kind of hate?" I shook my head. "You don't have to refine it, Sevrin. I know it's wrong to hate somebody this much."

"Who do you hate? The machine he was then, or the person he is now?"

I shrugged. "They're the same thing. Aren't they?"

He looked up from his pad. I half-hoped that he'd tell me off the way Garth had when I'd said something similar-- just a few hours earlier. But of course Sevrin didn't do that. He tapped his pen against the pad a couple of times.

"I know you, Rokk. You're going to tear out of here in few minutes without even finishing out the hour. I won't see you for weeks until something else bad happens, so-- while I have the chance, I want you to try a couple of things. Humor me."

"Such as..."

"Such as getting away. Ideally I'd say go home and visit your family for a week or two, but in your case I know that won't happen. At least go somewhere for an evening with your friends. _Enke-cepa un-tri karil o-matont ckramn a-notont._"

It was a fragment of an old Braalian drinking song. "Sevrin, were you ever actually a miner?"

"No. I left home too young, just like you did. In this context it doesn't matter, though."

My ring started to beep: A non-emergency signal. "Do you have Naltorian blood in your family tree?"

"No, I'm just paid to be observant, Legionnaire." I couldn't help smiling a little as I answered Imra's call.

"Cosmic Boy here. Five minutes, please." I looked at Sevrin. "What was the second thing?"

"Remember that darkness was in our DNA before we were even born, Rokk. Which means that its opposite is in us, too. As much as this is." He motioned with his left hand and sent the metal-clad pen sailing a leisurely three meters across the desk and back into its circular holder. "We own it;Not the reverse. Give yourself, and Dox, some time. All right?"

"Sure. Thanks, Sevrin." I shook his hand and said goodbye. Then I called Saturn Girl back and we were off on yet another discussion with yet more officials about "the Brainiac Situation." For what was/would be dozens of times in a handful of days, I went along with Imra and Garth when they defended you and insisted that "the situation" was being "dealt with." I knew that we had to be united, otherwise, there'd be no end to how many times they'd expect us to admit wrong; no end to what they'd want in the name of redress.

So I did the right thing for the wrong reasons.

You met with me and the other two founders, to tell us in private that you were leaving. That was later: the morning two days after the defeat of your ancestor.

Were we both really off the hook that easily?

I hated you for what you'd done, and because I thought you'd given up, that you hadn't tried hard enough. Even your-- our return was attributed in my mind to Imra and both Supermen. Not to you.

That was unfair of me. Some of the others knew, but it was hard for me to hear them defend you;In my mind, I could still hear them screaming in pain as your ancestor devoured them.

When you said goodbye, I shook your hand and my skin, even to me, felt as cold as the cup of ice water in my other hand. I'm sure my tone was colder.

Forgive me.

I was alone in the lounge later that same night, or a little after midnight. The clean-up 'bots were removing the last evidence of Bouncy's card party and I was half-dozing in front of the screen. Wanting to feel something other than simple relief that you were gone, but not having much luck. The seat next to me shifted and I saw a clean-shaven stranger with medium-short red hair. It took me a few seconds to realize that it was Garth.

He waved his hand in front of my face. "Rokk? You home in there?"

I yawned. "Garth, what in blazes happened to your face?"

"I had a vision of my future while I was out on patrol. I was moved by strange, incomprehensible forces. Or maybe it was just Dream Girl. Damn I look good." He unscrewed a beer and threw down a bowl of green sugar spirals. "You want some?"

"With beer?"

"It's high class now. I saw it on some celebrity show." He took a few gulps and stared at the screen. "Why are you watching a docu about...?"

"Clay architecture of the post-colonial moon colonies. There's nothing else on. Feel free to look around if you don't believe me."

"Never mind that. Admit it. I look fantastic, don't I?" He stroked his hair, which was shorter than it had been in years. The back barely reached the collar of his blue civ shirt, though the front was still spiky and falling on his brow.

"Stellar." I took a few of the spirals. "In fact, you should probably sit farther away. Like on the other couch. I'm not sure if I can keep my hands off you."

He put down the bottle with a loud thump and looked at me. "Excuse me? Am I dreaming, or did you just crack a joke?"

I turned the volume on the screen up. "I thought that you weren't speaking to me anymore."

He grabbed the control away and turned it down again. "So did I, but curiosity trumps resolve. Since we're talking about wandering hands, Rokk..."

"I think I'll go get something to drink from the breakroom."

"Save your energy. There's no more skim milk. I looked. What was that thing you had going with the winged princess before the party broke up?"

I shook my head. "Dawnstar has a name, you know. There was no 'thing.' We were just in my office talking."

He snorted. "Right. You've been the proverbial haunted man since we got back, Rokk. You're pale as a ghost and that handful of snacks is the most I've seen you eat for days. Hell, you haven't even yelled at Cham once today, have you? I'm starting to worry. So what were you and Dawnstar doing alone in your office for half an hour?"

I stood up and got a cup of water from the cooler next to the other couch. I could hear somebody walking down the hall and I waited, holding my breath until they passed the lounge door. I heard the faint sound of the lift opening and then the steps ceased. I sat down again.

"Do you always have to be a sore winner, Garth?"

"Come again?"

"She's a tracker. We've lost a member of the team. I was talking to her about the prospect of tracking him, if it becomes necessary."

"Brainy has a name, you know. As for tracking, I still can't believe that you and Imra both voted against letting him hang onto the ring."

"Rings aren't meant to be worn by non-members, Garth. Besides, he turned it in of his own free will."

"Yeah, whatever free will means when somebody's only been human for about 72 hours." He took another drink. "Still, I guess for you this is what passes for 'I'm sorry.' So, hey, it's all good."

"Who said that I was sorry about anything?"

"Aw, Rokk. You can go ahead and tell me it's just because you're afraid Brainy will have another freak out, but I know better." He threw his real arm around me in an exaggerated squeeze. "You pushover." He let go again and drank from the bottle. "So you're not interested in Dawny, then? I can make a play for her if I feel like it?"

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Rokk, c'mon. We're alive. We made it home. Doesn't that mean anything to you at all?"

When I didn't answer, he continued. "You know, you pay somebody to listen to you talk, even though you have friends here. I don't get it. As much of a jackass as you usually are, people here _do_ like you. I'd listen to you if you ever felt like telling me what the hell's going on in your head-- for free. So would Gim. So would Hart, assuming you could tear him away from the S.P. bulletins for ten minutes. So would Imra."

"Imra in particular has enough to do without me burdening her. As for you, anything I told you tonight would be posted to everyone's coms and halfway to the Xerengo Outpost by lunchtime tomorrow. Also, everything's a damn joke to you, Garth. Just like it was when we were kids starting out. It's like you've gotten bigger but you haven't gotten older."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." He tipped back the rest of the bottle and drained it, wiping his mouth. "At least the part about it all being a joke. Damn, Rokk. Our lives _are_ funny. Our lives are fucking _strange_. Did you just never notice that before a couple of nights ago because we forgot to mention it in the damn pledge?"

"Garth..."

"We run around all day in long underwear, on the payroll of a guy who used to be a shapeshifter but isn't anymore. I don't know anybody back home who even does the long underwear part, unless they do amateur theater between plantings. Do you?"

"I hate theater."

"See? That's the spirit."

I yawned. "There was some club or something you were pestering me about the week before... everything. We can punch out for a few hours tomorrow and go, if you still want to."

Garth shook his head. "Now I know I must be dreaming."

"I wish that I was. See you in the morning."

It was only back in my quarters later, unable to sleep, that I realized who I wanted --needed-- to talk with the most. I padded over to my com and did a little searching. To my surprise, the person I wanted was in the city proper.

The message went out quickly, before I had time to lose my nerve. I was back to reading the sports page for only about ten minutes when the reply buzzed in.

"Rokk? Hey. Is it really you?"

"Lydda? I-- I wasn't expecting to hear back from you so soon."

"I stay up nights. You can't have forgotten that even if it _has_ been half a year. C'mon." I studied the transparent image that had sprung to life over the com. It was true that I hadn't seen Lydda in that time-- since the last time I'd attended a Legion audition. She looked even better than I remembered. Sometime since then she'd replaced the tall hairdo she'd once worn with a little cap of black curls. A silver crescent moon swung gently from each of her ears.

"I-- I thought you'd still be on Kathoon."

A low, sweet laugh. "If you ever bothered to read your com bulletins, you'd know better than that. I'm a Substitute now."

"So, uhhh..."

"Right. No more Legion auditions for me. I feel really bad about missing all the fun everyone had with Brainiac 1, though. I wanted to be there but I was still en route. They wouldn't let anyone past the gates at Exchange Place when Thanagar and everything else was happening."

I shook my head. "Be glad you weren't there. It was..."

"Right. You know the other Subs say they can't even remember the whole thing."

"I wish I didn't, either."

A polite pause, and then, "Rokk, what are you doing right now? Do you want to meet up?"

"Um, sure. Where are you?"

She had a mischievous grin and her eyes suddenly darkened from pale blue to dark gray. "Outside in the courtyard."

"What?!"

"I was just wandering around the city when you called. Don't look like that. Hell, Rokk. We're not kids anymore and besides, I can snap anyone in half who gives me any grief at this hour of the night. So are you coming down or do I finish these leftovers from Khadija's Diner all by myself?"

I swallowed hard. "Give me a few minutes."

I changed as fast as I could into civs-- a pair of gray trousers and a plain white shirt, before running a comb through my hair. For some reason it suddenly seemed important to not be in uniform when I saw her.

It must have been almost 0200 hours by then. The courtyard had its usual illumination, the ring of big yellow-white circles that overlapped one another here and there at the concrete's outer edge, creating the same crescent shapes that Lydda had in her ears. Except that they were pale gold rather than silver. She was standing with her back to the street, looking at me. Our shadows pointed in the same direction, but they didn't touch.

Lydda was all in blue: a pale shirt floated over dark shorts as she waved. Up close, I noticed that she'd gotten as tall as I was. If she'd had her old haircut, she would have looked even taller. Behind her, the streetlights and a lit dome that held a sapling seemed to glide over the concrete rather than rest on it. I felt like that, too.

We hugged and I kissed her cheek before we walked silently to the courtyard bench and sat down.

"You hungry? I have some bread and cheese left from dinner." She gestured at the little white carryall slung over one shoulder. I shook my head. She put an arm around my waist and we leaned together for a moment. She smelled of jasmine and a trace of sweat from the summer air.

"So what's been on your mind, Legionnaire? Do I owe anything special to this invite?"

"Technically the invite was from you."

"Too bad. It's been months with almost no word from you. Now you owe me, so spit it out."

"I guess, things have been so... For some reason tonight, I was thinking about you, about the first time we met..."

"Oh, yeah. That disaster on Driscoll D. The mine collapse. You were trying to explain to Brainiac 5 why a company would send workers underground without trackers, even though it's against the law to do that. Poor kid. He was completely baffled, wasn't he?"

"It was his first mission, more or less. What could you expect? It didn't help when you threw your boots and your oxygen tank at the McCauley company rep and screamed that he was a 'sick, cheap mother--' "

"I know. You must have had fun explaining that term to Brainiac 5 later on, too."

"I didn't try. I left that to Garth. He practically has a grad degree in the collected profanity of twenty-two different star systems."

She laughed, her curls tickling my cheek and neck. Then she grew somber for a moment. "So long ago. I had all these big plans. I was going to be a rescue tech-- help people who needed help."

"Your were an idealist. I always liked that about you, Lydda."

"Yeah." A sigh. "Then I helped you guys and Phantom Girl haul six dead bodies from that damn pit. Dead so people with lots of money could have more of it."

I held her a little closer. The numbing cold was beginning to fade, from the outside in.

"Would you think less of me, Rokk, if I said that being a costumed weirdo smacking around other costumed weirdos makes me happier?"

"Not really. But it does make you sound a little like Garth."

Another laugh. "Uh, that feels more than a little odd."

"Good. He keeps telling me to go with that feeling. Maybe you should, too."

"Oh, well then-- who am I to argue with the experts? Everyone thinks I'm weird anyway, because I grew up in the dark and it's home to me. You're the only guy I've ever been with who didn't freak out when he found out about my powers. Why is that, Rokk?"

"Maybe we're the same kind of odd. Who knows ?" I suddenly remembered Sevrin's fragment from a day or two before. _'Enke-cepa un-tri karil o-matont ckramn a-notont.'_ "

"Hmm?"

"I don't have a good translation. Basically it means that things change or reverse themselves because of love."

"So you're saying that you're happy to see me again?"

"It's..." I kissed her. "Lydda, you... If you only knew how much..."

"You fight so dirty." Lydda shook her head, but she smiled and her eyes began to darken again until they matched the night sky. "Damn you."

When she kissed me back, the last traces of cold went away, and I wasn't afraid of the dark anymore. I breathed in her scent and listened to her heartbeat. Darkness had killed me, and now darkness brought me back to life. It made absolutely no sense, but I didn't care.

_Light underground, darkness above. Change is the flint and the spark is love._ _Matont_ is light. _Notont_ is darkness. Does that similarity seem a little strange?

Someday I'll get to ask you.

_("Stranger Than Love" is a song by The Bobs. Lyrics posted to my LJ. I've been very pressed for time, which is why this is so bleeping late. Gack. It's also too bleeping long, even with the huge swaths of chatter I've already cut away. BTW, it's come to my attention that certain email providers, including mine, have been inadvertently making some messages sent from this site disappear. If yours was one of them, I'm sorry. I try to answer every comment I get, so if I didn't answer you, blame my email provider. Thanks, as usual, for reading.)_


	10. If You Live

_(Post-"Dark Victory." Lightning Lad wants the truth told. Rated 'T' again for all the usual reasons. The usual sketchy, somber ramblings with quite a bit of fluff sandwiched in the middle. You have been warned. Comments always welcome. I don't own any DC characters and situations and blah blah blah.)_

**If You Live**

On your last day here, I was still on fire with anger. At the farewell party, I gulped down a cup of Phantom Girl's punch and was surprised when it didn't turn to steam on impact.

You should never have let those bastards get to you-- Cos and the rest. Relief was practically radiating off him when you said you'd be resigning. I gave him a piece of my mind about that later on, in private. Imra looked disappointed but not surprised. I realize now that she knew some things I didn't, but back then...

You should have stood your ground. We needed you.

Bouncy was still trying to talk you out of it when I stalked off in the direction of the lab. My arm needed a final once-over to make sure it was all right. Y'know, after you'd retaken it, rebuilt it out there. Whichever. I'd been avoiding that for a day or so, because I hate that kind of thing. Always have, but now I couldn't get to the lab fast enough. I wanted a clean bill of health so I could go down to sims. I wanted to get some of the fire out of my system before I exploded. You pushed your way past Bouncy and followed me.

"Lightning Lad, Please wait!"

"What do you want, Brainy?"

"Don't say anything to Shrinking Violet. Let me explain this to... to the others in my own way. Please."

I wouldn't slow down for you. Your new form didn't quite keep pace like the old one. Served you right for letting Cos reconfigure your (former) flight ring. Now all it could do was help him keep tabs on you. I should have told him where to put his "tabs."

"Working on a better explanation, Brainy? Give up. There isn't a good one."

We had reached the lab door. I would have left you standing there if I'd had any choice.

"Let me get this straight, Lightning Lad. You aren't angry with me over that business in sims. And not over a few nights ago when I blasted you and Cham unconscious for trying to help me."

I shook my head. "Brainy--"

"You weren't angry with me when I made you attack the rest of the team-- when I blew up your arm and digitized you."

"Brainy--"

"But you're angry now because I want to keep the team safe?" You leaned against the wall, one hand over your closed eyes. "Humans are... deeply unbalanced beings. The conclusions you draw from the events you observe... make no sense at all." A sigh. "I could live a million years and never get used to this."

"Look. First of all, I know that it wasn't really you that attacked us, and by the way Cham knows that, too."

"I--"

"Humans _can_ hold grudges over things we can't change. But we're not _required_ to. Do you understand the difference between 'I can' and 'I must?' "

Silence.

"You weren't yourself, Brainy. Everyone knows it."

"Do they?" You put your hand down and looked at me. "Perhaps we're occupying adjacent spaces in neighboring realities, then. Because not only don't I see that 'everyone knows it,' I'm not even sure that _I_ 'know it.' " You turned to go.

"Oh, no." I grabbed your arm and held on tightly. "I still haven't gotten to Part Two."

Your face was resigned. A little fire of your own would have done you some good.

"Brainy, you're as much the heart a-- and the soul of this team as me or Cos or Saturn. Look around you. How much of what we are and what we have is because of you? Are you really going to let those bastards push... a lie? Rewrite everything you've done, just because of a few days where somebody else was driving?"

"Lightning Lad... You're hurting my arm."

It was only then that I realized it was my metal hand that was gripping you. I pulled it away and saw a couple of small, pale green finger marks. Not bruises, at least.

"Brainy, I'm sorry. I..."

"You weren't yourself." With your left hand, you rubbed at the skin on your right arm. "It's fine. As for the rest of--"

"Brainy, if you'd just--"

"This matter is closed. Can't you--?"

"Guys?" We both jumped a couple of meters. It was Violet, walking towards us from opposite the direction we had come, hair tied back, pad in hand. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," we both said in unison.

She raised an eyebrow. "Brainy, why were you--"

"Lightning Lad and I were just observing that the flexors on the Cyber-4K might need some adjustments."

"Uh-_huh_. Well, let's go in and check things over, okay?" The door hissed open and she motioned us in.

"I... have some other things I need to do. You're fine with just Violet doing the scan, aren't you, Lightning Lad?"

"Oh, yeah. No problem." I avoided looking at her.

"But, Brainy, I--"

"Violet, if you notice anything beyond your capabilities, you can page me."

"I'd rather you stayed, Brainy." Lucky for you that Violet, unlike Imra, couldn't read your mind. Unlike Dreamy, she couldn't see the future.

"Violet, there's... no need. You've attended to the lab in my absence before, and I know that you can do it again." Then you did something that I would not, in a million years, have expected. You put one arm around her shoulders in a brief hug. "I'll see you both later."

As I walked into the lab behind her and parked myself on the exam chair, I could see the pink creeping over her face. She gently propped my arm up at a 90-degree angle and switched on the null-grav field around it. The rings of light appeared around the shoulder, elbow and wrist, holding it out straight without any effort from me.

It was a few minutes before her skin faded again. The whole time she was studiously looking at the output, while she scanned me and read my results. She kept up a stream of genius-talk for a while and took some notes. Then she carefully unhooked the fasteners that held the exterior of the arm to my shoulder and elbow.

So _that's_ how it was. I hadn't really noticed it sooner, because in my mind you were "still just kids." How soon we forget, and so on. What a mean trick to play on the poor girl, Brainy. Any remaining doubts that you were really human left me for good at that point.

"Okay, nerve pathways temporarily dialed down. I'm going to remove the exo and meso-layers now, Lightning Lad. The air on your circuitry will probably feel a little strange at first. Don't worry. Before I re-attach them, I'll run everything through the 'clave to make sure it's sterile."

"Great. Go ahead."

I remembered waking up with that arm, and the way Kell described it later the same day. We were on our way back to Winath. "Twins under the skin, we call it back home, when people work together that well. Oh, hey," he added, misreading the amused look on my face. We were piloting as Ayla played with Bouncy and Orange Duo behind us. "Didn't mean to offend."

I've never known what's funnier: Kell when he rushes in with no clue or Kell when he rushes in with too many clues. I was really going to miss him.

"What did you say, Garth?" I must have been thinking out loud. Violet was adjusting some wires in my wrist with a small tool that looked like a dozen miniature fangs circled around a matchstick-sized red light. She stopped working and pulled up the safety glasses she wore. "I missed something?"

"No, no. You're fine. Everything feels fine. I was just... thinking about how much I'm going to miss... both the Supermen. Y'know, when they leave."

"Me, too." She nodded as she drew the glasses down again. "But we'll hold it together, right? Like always."

"Yeah." I tried not to sigh audibly as she completed her work and the small light blinked out.

I had heard a couple of days before from Star Boy about how she'd nearly taken out Sun Boy for messing with you in the food hall. Violet would have fought for you, just as hard as she'd fought your ancestor. So many of us would have, because of all we owed you. We deserved a chance, Damn it. So did you.

Right up to the last minute, I was still arguing with Rokk and Imra. I just hated the thought of you wandering off with no protection. No ring.

"He knows his own mind, Garth." Imra was firm. "Enough is enough."

I shook my head in a last gesture of defiance. Maybe it was the punch, maybe it was the cooling air as the sun started to set. I felt the reality of another separation. It was here, it wouldn't wait for me, and that was that. Do I take separations so hard because I'm a twin?

Imra thinks so, but I think it's more that in agriculture a man or woman is tied to seasons; tied to the notion of always returning to the same thing again and again. Minor changes only point out the overwhelming sameness of every year you're alive. Not to mention every year before and after you. Sometimes I chafed at that, but mostly I found it comforting. It was armor, backdrop, jump-off, resting place. The presence that lived inside me at all times, even in a fight. Maybe especially in a fight.

Meanwhile, people had their maddening ability to vanish and reappear, to change without warning and without my permission. Mekt, Ayla... Wasn't Mekt now as much my twin as Ayla, because of our common history that she had missed? Some people do try and quarter human life into seasons, but I think that's stupid. People have more seasons than there could ever be names for, and those seasons come, go and run into one another in their own deranged version of order-- regardless of outside appearances.

We'll have that in common so long as we live. Even if I never see you again.

The courtyard was almost empty. Without waiting for permission, I went over and shook your hand, careful this time to go organic.

"Goodbye. Garth... take care of yourself."

"Yeah, you, too." With the heat dying down, I felt drained and yet no lighter. The long shadow stuck to my heels seemed to pull me backwards and downward as I headed back towards the building. So I concentrated twice as hard on moving up, moving forward.

What I wanted was for the truth to win out, but that wasn't within my power. So I focused on patrol and assignments and the things that were within it. I focused on mending fences even though –-for the longest time-- my heart wasn't really in it, because we were still a team, and because I knew it was expected of me.

_Damn._ When did it all become about being so... old?

A night or two later, I actually succeeded in getting Cos to go off-duty and go out to the Firecracker with me. It was a little awkward at first, but something must have taken root after all the times we went around on the subject of you. Maybe it was his way of apologizing for the way he'd treated you; of admitting that your absence left a huge gap that we'd be a long time learning to fill. Y'know, without him actually having to apologize or admit anything out loud.

Take your friends and their messed-up seasons as they come, or don't take them at all. I guess.

A couple of months later, I suggested we go again.

The Firecracker is comfortable in that style that went out a few years before I was born. A lot of small, floating white lights everywhere. A lot of brick red metal tubes and recycled wood. It's a round room with the bar at dead center. We met on a weeknight so we could mostly have it to ourselves. Gim had beaten the rest of us there that night and was already a drink or two ahead of us when I showed up with Imra.

"Okay, okay. What's with the long face, Gim?" I sat across from him, next to Imra. She was wearing civs in her uniform colors, as usual. Her dress jacket flung over her shoulders and her hair in the shoulder-length cut she'd gotten the previous month. I never got tired of looking at her. "And where the hell is your date? I thought we agreed that it wasn't gonna' be stag this time."

"Hi, Garth. Imra." He shook my hand and leaned over to kiss her cheek. Being Gim, he didn't have to stretch very far. He had on jeans and an old SciPol sweatshirt.

"Oh, I asked somebody," he mumbled, "But she couldn't make it."

Imra shook her head and watched him down what looked like at least his second shot of the night. "The 'somebody' being Violet. Am I right?" She was punching our drink orders into the circular console that hovered like a small cake in the middle of the table.

Gim shrugged. "She said thanks, but she had work to do."

"Oh, C'mon, Gim." I pulled a few coasters from under the console and dealt them around the table. "You've gotta' let this go. She's always gonna' 'have work.' "

"I think he's right, Gim." Imra was still playing with the console. "A little neo-swing all right with you guys?" She popped her card into the con, which let out an instant mini-light show of dancing blue notes on shiny pink ribbon measures. I had been surprised, once, that Imra would like something so brassy and built on weird lurches in tempo. Something so mock-old-fashioned. Now I'd gotten used to being surprised by her. If that makes any sense.

Over the music, I could hear the door chimes as somebody else walked in. Gim waved to Trip and Night Girl as they slipped into the circular booth on either side of us.

"Hey, where's Bouncy?" I held out my real hand. "And Cos better not have weaseled out."

"Bouncy got summoned to Takron-Galtos." Luornu was in a three-colored sweater and short skirt. "Just some last-minute conference about some prisoners they're moving tomorrow. He took a team. It's fine."

"Cos is outside. He had a call to make," added Lydda. She gave me a "hello" peck on the cheek.

"Which prisoners? Any big names," Gim wanted to know. Trip shook her head.

The nul-grav tray showed up with our first round. I snagged my bottle of White Duck. It was pricey drinking home brew so far from home, but that was all right. I could switch to something cheaper later on. "Don't change the subject, Gim."

"What's the subject?" said Lydda.

Gim rolled his eyes. "Garth, please don't..."

"The subject is all of us taking up a collection and buying poor Gim a clue."

"About what?" Lydda was busy punching in her order.

"Violet." Imra was sipping her drink, which had about six different-colored layers in it.

Luornu gave him a pitying look. "Here." She passed him a bowl of the red pepper twists that were named for the bar, or was it vice versa? "You need something to help soak up all those shots."

"Thanks. But I can hold my liquor."

"Pass those here," I said. "Yeah, Big Guy. It's just reality that you have a tough time getting a hold of. C'mon, Imra. Put Gim out of his misery. Give him the telepath-certified 'you-have-no-chance' speech."

Lydda raised an eyebrow as her drink-- something hot in a tall mug, next to Cos' usual cup of coffee-- glided over. We all looked at Imra, who naturally shook her head.

"I can't do that, and even if I could..."

"Right. Titanian mores, etc." Luornu shook her head. "That's why it's so hard going to parties with you, Imra. No conversation starters. You could at least follow sports or something."

Imra put down her drink and shrugged. "I'm a good dancer, though." She smiled.

"Hi, Everyone." It was Cos. He sat down next to Lydda and kissed her cheek.

"Cheater." I pointed at him. "Dress uniform is cheating."

"Sorry. I told you I was just coming here right off the shuttle from Weber's World. What did I miss?"

"Forget it, CB1," said Gim. "I've been here the whole time and I think I'll need about three more shots before I've got this group sussed."

"Good thing you've got a running start then." Another tray had shown up with another shot.

"Hey, I didn't order that one." Gim shook his head.

Cos smiled. "I think one of the actresses sent it over." He pointed a thumb over to the bar, where seven or eight girls had wandered in at some point and were talking rapidly over a pitcher of something lime green with gold stars floating in it. They all had black tights, along with black short dresses bearing some kind of theater logo on the back.

"Awww..." Luornu reached over and mock-punched his shoulder. "You big heartbreaker. At least go over there and find out which one sent it."

"All of them sent it." I winked at him. "Actors don't make a lot of money."

"_Gevalt._" Gim looked at the gift like it was poisoned. "Too bad Sun Boy's off-planet. He's the one who loves actresses."

"As often as possible," Luornu snickered. She tapped the console to get her empty stout bottle removed and replaced.

"Oh, Please." Imra giggled as she helped herself to a handful of twists. "That's such an old joke even Bouncy wouldn't tell it!"

"Who do you think I heard it from in the first place? Besides, you're dating a guy who still tells lightbulb jokes."

"Oh, no. Do not get him started." Cos looked ready to throw himself into his mug of coffee and drown. Lydda patted his shoulder.

"Hey, that's--" I began, but Luornu motioned everyone to be quiet. "Okay, Everyone! I'm sorry Bouncy couldn't be here for this, but he already knows anyway so no big deal." She raised up the full bottle of stout that had just drifted over, before handing me a new bottle of White Duck. "Everyone, this round and the next are on me." She stood and we all followed.

"To my pre-med apps being accepted." We all looked at her. "As in doctor, You Guys. I'm gonna' be the Legion's doctor!"

"Wow." Was all I could think of to say, then everyone cheered. Even Cos. We all knocked our drinks together and sat down again. Everyone who could reach Luornu gave her a hug or a handshake.

"Imra, how come you're the only one who doesn't look surprised," Cos wanted to know as we all sat down again.

"Who do you think she talked to about it first?" Imra grinned and finished off her drink.

A shadow fell across the table. It was one of the actresses. She was a Durlan, older than Cham and with different face-marks. She grinned at Gim and waved one pretty hand.

"H'lo, Sci Pol. Sorry to interrupt. Just wondering. Do you have a name?" Behind her, I could make out her buddies all watching and whispering, waiting to see what would happen.

Gim just stared at her, mouth open as she barreled on.

"Mine's Yera."

"His name is Gim Allon," I said. "He just made Captain yesterday, and he's Titan's most powerful Sci Pol officer. That's why he's mute. Super-telepathy, you know? It withers the vocal cords."

Imra just buried her head in her hands and tried to drown her snickers.

"Gim," Cos was shaking his head. "This is the part where you say 'Thank You for the drink.' "

"Uh, Hi." Gim finally got up and walked over to her, holding out one hand. I swear, he actually blushed as he shook her hand. "Gim Allon. Ms..."

"Yera Traorre." Her dark eyes were fixed on him as behind them, the other girls started clapping and whistling. "Do you want to go dancing?"

At least he'd paid for his drinks in advance. A nice night, overall, though it broke up sooner than I would have liked. I spent a few hours back at HQ with Imra, then left her asleep in her own quarters.

I woke up earlier than the alarm, restless and dry-mouthed. Too much to drink, probably. I wandered outside in stocking feet, with a jacket thrown over my sleepwear and a tumbler of cool water. Luornu was already there, in a tunic and pants the same color as her usual uniform

"G'morning, Trip. Love the scrubs."

She grinned. "Morning, Smart-ass. It's just my pajamas. I'll change in time for morning monitor duty. Why are you up so early?"

I shrugged. The buildings above us had a faint outline of yellow-white, seeping into the deep blue and washing away a thin line of it. There was a faint, early Fall breeze. I thought about the air that ran through the pines behind my parents' house. Nothing on Terra ever smelled as good, somehow. It would be the first harvest since Ayla's return. I wouldn't get to be there.

"I had this dream about home. About my sister. I guess it woke me up." It was only while saying this out loud that I remembered it happening.

"A good dream?"

I smiled. "Yeah, it was." Ayla had been driving a little combine through the triticale, waving a beat-up old cap of my father's at Mekt, who was watching her from behind the protective fence. She was my age, in the dream. The age she will be, all too soon. She let go of the cap and it floated over the field to land on Mekt's head, as if propelled there by something other than the breeze. It landed askew, over one eye. He grinned at her and straightened it out. Mekt was the age he'll be when they let him out of jail, which won't be soon enough.

"By the way," I went on. "Did I remember to congratulate you last night? My memory's a little hazy."

"Of course," she chuckled, then got somber again for a minute. "I wish I could tell Brainy-- say thanks." White suddenly slipped loose of the other two and walked a little ahead. "I tended to all those people in the future, Imperiex's victims. They needed me. I could do these amazing things even as... a fragment, but then I got to come home-- be whole again." She stepped back to rejoin her "sisters."

"Weird, huh?"

I shook my head. "No. I feel exactly the same. Y'know, because of Ayla, and the rest."

She nodded and gave my real hand a small squeeze before heading back inside.

It's not the truth, not human, to only remember the bad. You understand that by now, don't you?

The sun moved over more of the skyline and melted the night away, but gently, as if a man could stare straight into it forever and never burn his eyes.

_("If You Live" is a smart little jazz tune by the amazing Mose Allison. Lyrics at my LJ, as ever. Yera was Gim's/Colossial Boy's partner/wife in more than one Legion continuity, but so far as I know, she never had any surname until she got married. This annoys me, since it's already been established through Cham's presence that Durlans __do__ have surnames. So I borrowed one from a wonderful Malian musician, Rokia Traore, and gave it to Yera. Thanks again for reading.)_


	11. A Few Thousand Days Ago

_(Post-"Dark Victory." Saturn Girl paints a picture, sort of. Rated 'T' again for all the usual reasons. This fic is now complete. Thanks to everyone whose already read and commented. Do so again, if you want to. I don't own any DC characters and situations and blah blah blah.)_

**A Few Thousand Days Ago**

On your last day with the team, my mind was wandering.

I'd come from one more day of meetings with the U.P. brass-- along with the other two founders and Phantom Girl. What felt like an eternity of living on crackers and energy drinks, because we were too busy to grab meals. The collar of my dress jacket constantly itching, because it was brand new. (I flung it onto a bench the minute we were back at HQ for Kell's swearing-in. If no one had been watching, I would have flung it into the trash.) Garth and Rokk were arguing with one another, and it was too damn hot outside. All of this was so familiar that I almost burst into tears of joy a few times.

Your thoughts were all in straight lines of a single color. All resolve, or that's how it seemed to me. I had known a couple of days back that you were planning to leave us. You couldn't hide from me then, any more than you can now.

Like a lot of people who saw you off that day, my own thoughts were variegated. Different colors ran into one another from all directions.

On Titan, the phrase "wandering mind" is its own in-joke. The term for non-telepaths is the same as the term for off-worlders. _Curenra_, which in turn roughly translates to "without-a-map."

Its antonym: _Colcitra_: A native, a fully-cognizant person, "thousand-maps."

Even now, once in a while, I stop whatever I'm in the midst of doing and remember how it was with your ancestor. Every damn detail comes back. How I sent Clark and Kell into your mind, hoping to find you and free you. (What other options did we have?) How surprised everyone was that it actually worked-- none more so than me. Even now, remembering makes me shake my head in amazement all over again.

Tinya handed me some punch. The cup's white rim was a ring around dark space and the cold core of ice sparkled with late-day sun. But-- alcohol on a nearly-empty stomach? What if I really did start to cry? Garth would demand an explanation and Rokk would worry. Or was it vice versa?

I took a few small sips, then quietly set the cup down in a corner and hoped that Tinya wouldn't notice.

A lot of people were surprised, either pleasantly or not, when you'd announced that you were leaving. I wasn't one of them. The handwriting had gone on the wall two days before, when you'd come to my office in the early evening. Well, Star Boy had commed me and then shown up more or less towing you along.

"He's a little depressed," was about all Thom said, apart from. "Hey, have you eaten dinner, Imra? You look kind of pale."

I smiled. "Thom, I always look pale," but he wasn't having it.

"I know this great deli down near Old University Place. You eat meat, right?"

"Yes, but--"

"I'll be back in an hour or so and I'll bring you something, okay? And, Brainy?"

"Yes?"

"Don't worry. Everything's gonna' be fine now." His expression and voice didn't match what I read inside. The latter said clearly _Imra, if he even thinks about bailing before you want him to, just say the word. I'll drag him back here by his hair if I have to._ "Later, you two." He waved like none of us had a care in the world before exiting.

Sometimes I doubt that Thom actually got struck by that comet in an accident. Really, he must have hunted it down across three solar systems and pounced on it instead. It's only really tenacious people that can get away with seeming that relaxed. I thought briefly of my grandfather's stories from his days with the Science Police: _Crooks or cops, Imra, the ones you'd never notice are the ones you have to watch._

"So, uh... how are things with you, Saturn Girl?"

I had poured us each a glass of ice water and sat down at the desk, facing you.

"Brainy, I think that's supposed to be my question."

You ran a finger around the rim of the glass. I could see that a few of your nails were torn, or bitten. " 'Depression: sad feelings of gloom and inadequacy, possibly owed to trivial matters.' Is it trivial to find yourself transformed from one state of being into another-- without even knowing how, or what for?"

"Brainy, I wouldn't exactly call that a gospel definition."

"Well, aside from that, I-- I'd like to know... H-how long does all this go on?"

"Can you be a little more specific, Brainy? You know I don't like to just go rummaging inside a friend's consciousness. And yours is too new to even have all the rooms unpacked."

That won me a small smile, at least. A short-lived one. "The way everyone's... I can't forget what happened out there, Saturn Girl. The others..."

"Actually, Brainy, quite a few people don't remember much of anything. They know the gist of what happened, but they don't recall specifics."

"You... you've looked?"

"In some cases, yes, because I was asked to. But..." I toyed with my own glass, considering. "Strong thoughts and feelings sometimes get loose on their own. Given the last few days..."

"I see your point. It's just that..."

"By the way, when you were accessing definitions, did you look up 'forgiveness?' "

"It's only shock." You hung your head. "Because of what I did. The only reason they forgive me is because they can't remember how badly I hurt them. The ones who do remember... they're afraid of me. They hate me." Your arms were crossed.

I shook my head. "The people who forgive you are just weighing everything they've known about you for years against the events of a scant few days. They've decided that years outweigh days. Is that so wrong? If our positions were reversed, wouldn't you at least try to do that? For the sake of the team, if nothing else?"

"I don't know." You pushed the glass away and chewed an already-ragged nail. "Imra, it's as if-- everything important... it's gone forever. The team's trust, my powers... What if I can't...?"

"But everything isn't gone, Brainy. I know it must feel that way, but for one thing: you still have a 12th-level mind. Also, we do have one person on the team with no superpowers. Remember?"

"Yes, well..." Your eyes darted around, following something that I couldn't see at that time. "I suppose it's fortunate that I did some training with Karate Kid, though I couldn't see the point of it before. It was more due to curiosity than anything else."

"I thought it was because Timber Wolf dared you to fight him without using your powers."

Oh, that did it. You actually smirked. "Actually, it was Bouncing Boy. In his own words, his... tail got handed to him that day, too."

I grinned. "Worse than Lightning Lad?" Garth had practically crawled to his monitor shift on all fours that evening, and I'd teased him about it for days afterward.

"Maybe not."

We both laughed for a moment or two.

"I'm just saying that there's some precedent, Brainy. Also, that you're wrong to keep assuming that nobody trusts you."

Your eyes slowed their restless motions a little, but they still weren't really on me. Your gaze wandered around the small room, which hadn't changed at all since HQ opened-- give or take the number of times we'd had to rebuild.

I continued. "Clark and Kell, for instance, remember everything. I've talked to both of them, and I can guarantee that they aren't afraid of you. They don't hate you."

There were the brightly embroidered pillows my mother had sent me, perched on a plain white nul-grav bench that matched the desk. There were my grandfather's small watercolors, landscapes from all over Titan. Even a few views of the home world and Saturn itself from space.

"And you know that I don't. Querl, please believe that. Please." I couldn't help the little tremor in my voice. It was all still clear as day: the awful darkness, the data torrents, a hurricane of thought in a million colors-- from dozens I cared for and millions I'd never know. "That ought to count for something."

Behind the pictures, the walls were pale yellow. The floor had a light blue rug with darker shades of blue on the border and a bright pink circle woven into the center. _It's a Saturn rug,_ Tinya had said when she gave it to me four or five birthdays ago. _See the rings?_ In her mind, she dared me to publicly display something so odd-looking. Of course that meant I had to do it.

A quick glance, straight into my eyes. "I never meant to-- Of course it counts, Imra." A hard swallow.

"Just checking." _Dial it down,_ Imra. I scolded myself. _This isn't supposed to be about __your__ damn ego._

"I've never been in here before. The colors seem... calming, somehow."

"That's the general idea, Brainy."

"The name on all these pictures is... Ardeen, but... you didn't paint them, did you?"

"No, no. I can't paint worth a tenth-credit, Brainy. My grandfather, Zaere, did them. He started out in Sci Pol, made it all the way to Lieutenant. But he was in a flyer accident the year before I was born. There was surgery, and it... didn't go well. He woke up without his powers, and they never returned."

You were studying the landscapes intently. "Did he... ever talk about what it was like for him, being without them?"

He had, but to my ever-lasting regret, I'd never paid much attention. As I kid, I'd found sitting in a field sketching grass and wildflowers with a brush to be almost painfully boring. I was more interested in hearing stories about criminals and shoot-outs. Not that there was much of that on Titan, compared to some other places.

"He used to say that the silence in his head made the paintings better. No distractions. He claimed that he didn't regret a thing."

You nodded as I continued. "He made a good living, better than he had as an officer. People considered him... exotic, I guess. Or maybe quaint is the right term."

Otherworldly. _Curenra._ Backward.

It bothered him. He hated their pity, but he went to his grave without ever admitting it out loud. He ignored the family's wishes that he keep searching for a way to get his powers back. When he tired of their attempts to help, he would disappear off-planet for months at a stretch. Nobody but my sister Jancel and I would hear from him. We'd get sketches via shuttle post, with friendly notes scribbled on the back. Telepathic calls from the rest of the family, not to mention "real" calls, he simply ignored.

Zaere didn't live to see me get accepted into the Sci Pol Academy on Terra, or to see everything that followed. Would he have been proud of me? I'll never know. Even for telepaths, there's a point beyond which no map exists. Where there's nothing to do but cross fingers and hope.

"People can adjust to anything, Brainy. When they're determined enough."

You nodded absently, your eyes still focused on the pictures. "I like these. The images are... very pleasing to my eyes."

I smiled. "Mine, too. Of course I'm kind of biased."

You turned to look at me again. "Saturn... Imra..."

I waited a moment before prompting you. "Querl, what is it? You know that I don't repeat things people want to keep secret."

"Star Boy... Thom thinks I'm in danger because of this... sadness. Do you think so?"

I shook my head. "Brainy, I was there with you, inside your mind. I saw you repel Brainiac 1's attack. You're a strong personality in any form, but you've... crossed over from one kind of physical existence to another-- very rapidly. Your mind hasn't quite caught up yet. Just be careful of snap decisions, all right?"

You nodded. "I'd like to go back to my quarters now, please. There's... some things I have to work out for..." You slowly drew off your flight ring, then put it on again.

That was when I knew. No powers necessary. On impulse, I took your hand. You looked startled, but you didn't pull away. "Querl, we're friends and we always will be. I'll back you up, whatever you decide. I promise."

"Thank You, Imra. I appreciate that."

Alone, I sat in my office for a while, my mind drifting from landscapes to mindscapes and back again while I pretended to do paperwork. Thom came back a little later, good as his word. A cold fruit drink and a sandwich big enough to feed half the team landed on my desk.

"So what do you think, Imra?" He didn't bother to sit, but just stood in the doorway. I smelled new-mown grass on his brown civ shoes, and saw it clinging to his dark blue trouser cuffs. He had clearly cut through a park or two on his errand. "Is Brainy doing any better now?"

"He'll be fine, Thom. But if I try and eat this much at once, _I'm_ the one who'll need help. Okay if I split it with Garth?"

"I can't stop you." He grinned for a moment, adjusting a cuff on his plain white shirt. "Oh, and thanks for--"

"You're welcome. Should I--?"

"Forget it. What's a free sandwich or saving all humanity between friends? I'll see you tomorrow morning."

When you and I finally said our goodbyes that last day, almost everyone else had taken their leave. I held your hand and didn't say a thing out loud.

_You know we'll be talking again, ring or no ring._

_Right. Will you remind Garth of that so he doesn't immolate himself? You know he's still mad at me for leaving._

_Mad? Try furious. But he'll get over it. _

_Imra, I hope the others appreciate everything you did out there... and back here. I won't forget it._

_Querl... _

We were walking around the corner of the courtyard. The traffic behind us was a soft murmur, and the sun was changing from yellow to orange. Reluctantly, I let your hand go.

_Querl, I... _

_You go ahead, okay? There's... something I still have to do._

I nodded, and took the back way to the upper balcony of HQ-- the shortcut to my quarters. Out the corner of my eye I saw you in person one last time: a small figure flanked by a couple of travel bags, pretending to dig in your pockets for something. You were regarding the street and your own lengthening shadow, but your thoughts faced the other way: back towards the bench where Chameleon Boy was still sitting.

You were adding something to the map in your mind. Erasing it. Trying again in the waning daylight.

Back in my room, I shucked my boots onto the floor and threw my earrings carelessly onto the nightstand, not bothering to take off anything else. I knew Garth was downstairs at the card game, which was going full swing. He'd come out happier, if poorer.

My eyes closed and I sank rapidly into sleep. Then I was walking home along a tree-lined path, one I hadn't seen since childhood. The ground was dry and the autumn leaves hadn't fallen yet. Everything above me rustled in brilliant shades of red, orange, pink, yellow, green and blue.

I walked under that familiar sky, up the back steps and onto the terrace of Granddad's home on Titan. My namesake planet looked down at us, so beautiful and so silent. I pulled up an old chair to watch him brush out the delicate gray lines of a sapling tree. It reminded me a little of a willow, but it was something else.

_See that, Imra? One color at a time, otherwise you end up with a page of mud and nobody knows what they're looking at. He added a few feathery dashes of dark brown._

_Yes. Yes, I see._

_Also, if it's not right at first, never be afraid to walk away for a while, until the picture grows clear again._

I heard whispers behind us, from somewhere close by. Granddad put the sketch aside to dry and began another. I recognized the voices, but I didn't try to discern what you and Cham were saying. That wasn't my property, and I wouldn't wander onto it without permission. Not even in the guise of sleep.

That dream was a one-time thing, but I still remember it. Somehow that little dream-sketch was mine, and Granddad's. It was yours, and Cham's. Everyone I've ever known and loved, maybe. I can't explain why.

The sun came up a few hours later, just like it was supposed to. I woke up. Life got back to normal, or it began reforming into whatever "normal" would be in your absence. But that sketch... I tucked it in amongst the thousand maps in my mind, and it's there even now. Sometimes it's the original colors when I look at it, sometimes it's different colors-- tints and shades I've never seen while awake.

That sketch never existed, and yet it's real as life.

**End**

_("A Few Thousand Days Ago," is pop goodness from Marshall Crenshaw's What's In The Bag. Lyrics posted to my LJ, soon. I owe thanks to a couple of regulars here on FF net and over at the Legion World boards for helping me find some background on SG's family, even though the stuff about her granddad is just riffing on my part. Thanks again for reading.)_


End file.
